Basil Marceaux.com

God help Tennessee...

So there's this guy - Basil Marceaux - who's running for Governor of Tennessee. At first I thought it had to be a joke. There's no way that anyone actually thinks that this guy could be qualified to run an entire state. It's like that guy from American Idol a bunch of seasons back who sang She Bangs... we all knew the only reason he was on the TV was to make us laugh at how pathetic he was. But with Mr. Marceaux, we're all laughing at the fact that this is 100% serious. I really can't use any more words to describe it. Just watch the following videos and shudder in fear that this man may actually have a chance at getting elected...

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "dot-com" Yazge

BREAKING NEWS!

THIS JUST IN: Mr. Hot Stuff on the right just turned 22.

In what is being regaled as the event of the year, or at the very least the zenith of this week's activities, today is the official 22nd Birthday of one Mr. Matteo "Ugly American" Yazge. Rumors abound as to the exact specifics of the day's festivities. While we can't 100% confirm the truthfulness of these rumors, we can spread them like wildfire, because honestly as far as trustworthiness is concerned, rumors are good enough for us. Here are some of the things we've heard through the grapevine that could definitely maybe be a part of this blow-out celebration:

• Tigers
• Hula-hooping fire breathers
• An all-day open bar
• Drunk Tigers
• Celebrity appearances by Hollywood's most famous and beautiful: Jennifer Aniston, Zoe Saldana, Danny DeVito
• Danny DeVito does his famous Drunken Tiger trick
• Danny DeVito gets taken to the hospital for deep tiger-claw lacerations
• Lindsay Lohan makes an appearance at Danny DeVito's bedside, fresh from prison, on her way to rehab, in hopes of one last hit of prescription medication.

Like I said, all of this is alleged. While we can't confirm, we can hope for the best, both for Matthew's birthday and for Danny DeVito's recovery. Please contact the Ugly American as to where you can send birthday presents and get well cards/flowers. Well, really you could send flowers to both. Who doesn't love a nice birthday bouquet? 

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "22" Yazge

LXD

It's about time we discovered the super powers of dance.

With NBC's Heroes officially cancelled and my recently rediscovered appreciation for the art of the dance, I've been looking for a show that combines a character's need to save the world and his ability to shake what his momma gave him. Luckily, The Legion of Extraordinary Dancers (or simply LXD) came along. It's an exclusive web show from Jon Chu - the guy behind all the Step Up movies. LXD only shows on Hulu, and new episodes come out every Wednesday. They're only 10 minutes long tops, so you can catch up really quickly if you haven't been watching. The downside is that you'll want a lot more once you've watched all the episodes.

It may seem a little stupid at first, but once you actually see the dancing you'll be hooked. I've never seen dancing like this. In my favorite episode thus far, "Robot Love Story", the dancers have INSANE isolation. I've probably watched this episode at least 10 times in the past 3 days. Here, if you don't believe me, watch it for yourself:

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Extraordinary Dancer" Yazge

Guerrilla Ice Cream

No, no... guerrilla, not gorilla.

Yesterday Lauren and I ventured down to the Hester Street Fair and found what might be the best ice cream I've had all week, maybe even all month. It's called Guerrilla Ice Cream and they have some of the most genius flavors I've seen. I got the yogurt flavored sorbet topped with halvah and pomegranate molasses. Is your mouth watering yet? They also had Chai Masala topped with sliced almonds and candied fennel. The most visually impressive flavor was the dark chocolate/port wine flavor, which was then dressed up with cashews and bananas that they fosters-ized in front of you with a blow torch. 

If the flavors aren't enough to motivate you to go chase these guys down every weekend, then their philanthropy hook should - 100% of the profits go to helping marginalized communities around the globe. Each flavor of ice cream is named after political movements around the world. That's right. They're the ice cream men that care. I'm not 100% on how all the distributions of funds works, but I like to think that because I ordered their Lebanese flavor that somehow I was helping the people in the old country. 

Who wants to chase them down when I get back?

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Gorilla" Yazge

Jacques, mon ami

This man knows what he's doing.

My latest chocolate love is a variety of dark Mexican Oaxaca (pronounced wah-ha-kah). It's chocolate that's seasoned with chipotle flavors and cayenne pepper. Some people might think it sounds weird, but it adds a really clean, refreshing finish. It's not like you're sitting there begging for water because it's so spicy. Think of it as more of an afterthought than an overpowering flavor. Jacques Torres understands my love, and has addressed my love with his trademark flavor called "Wicked" - his take on Oaxaca. Even better, he took that flavor and made it into Ice Cream. So on our little adventure through three boroughs yesterday, Lauren and I stumbled upon the Jacques Torres location in DUMBO (the neighborhood in Brooklyn, not the elephant). It was instantly deemed necessary for me to eat something. We grabbed some Wicked ice cream and sat on the rocks over in the park, 10 feet from the water and watched the sun set over the Brooklyn bridge and New York skyline. This is one of the millions of reasons why I love New York.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Oaxaca" Yazge

Ciao for Now!

So there are two muffins in an oven. The first muffin says to the second muffin, "Man, it's really hot in here." The second muffin says, "OH MY GOD! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

These muffins sure were speaking to me. You know what they were saying? Eat me. Well, technically I had cupcakes, but one was carrot cake, so I feel that counts. I bought and used my first Groupon yesterday at a restaurant literally around the block from me called Ciao for Now. It's a great little cafe that has a lot of locally sourced ingredients with great organic/vegetarian options. I really wish I would have known that it was there 3 months ago, because I've been looking for a place with this vibe all summer.

Thanks to both Groupon and my mother, Lauren and I enjoyed a delicious dinner/dessert. I got the Asian chop salad, which was really filling without being too heavy. Sometimes if there's too much dressing or they use too much sesame oil you can feel a little gross after eating those types of salads. To drink we got their lemon ginger green tea, which was like a glass of sippable heaven. Again, they really know how to flavor things, because you weren't left with that sticky/congested feeling you can sometimes get with flavored and sweetened teas. It was enough flavor to enjoy, but no so much you couldn't finish the glass.

Long story short we loved the place (and the people that worked there) and we're going back tomorrow for brunch! Anyone want to join???


Ciao (for now) Bella!

Matteo "Talking Muffin" Yazge

In the news...

Ms. Campbell, when not assaulting the paparazzi, has the utmost respect for the law. 

It's a Thursday, and there's a lot happening in the world, which is convenient because there's not too much happening in my life. So instead of sharing one of my happy little misadventures, today I am going to share the happy little misadventures of other people. Here's the latest:

Naomi Campbell is the Law
Apparently she is a key witness in the war crimes trial against the former Liberian President today at The Hague. This story has everything you need to ensure great coverage: former president accused of involvement with blood diamonds, super model as a key witness, suspense and debate about the details surrounding the evening that is supposed to be key to the prosecution's evidence, and... The Hague. Who doesn't love a good time at the Hague? That's what I want to know. According to the New York Times article, Naomi Campbell is a "hostile witness" who was very uncooperative. To that I say you can't expect someone to look that good AND be cooperative. It's one or the other - though can I say she was having some issues with her hair at the court appearance today? I mean what do you expect a model to do when handed a bag full of blood diamonds as a gift? They should have thought of that before they subpoenaed her.

Prop 8 is Overturned

In a landmark case, the California Supreme Court overturned Proposition 8. While this is all very interesting in and of itself, the more fascinating aspect of the whole story is how Justice Vaughn R. Walker set the stage for what will most likely be a very interesting US Supreme Court case. Yesterday's NYTimes article discusses how half of the importance of the ruling is in Judge Walker's 138 page legal opinion. Apparently, the logic that he used to defend his ruling puts the Supreme Court in a tricky position if they want to uphold Prop 8. It all makes sense when you read the article, something about facts and due process and separating moral/religious opinions unless there's an additional secular purpose and/or benefit. The real point is that I'm having flashbacks to my business law class and how much I enjoyed the courts, jurisprudence, and a good round of legal intrigue. It's almost as exciting as when the major networks decided to move daytime soaps to primetime and give the shows names like "Grey's Anatomy" or "LOST".

The Post Office is a Hateful, Hateful Place

And now for some coverage that you CAN'T find in the New York Times: So I had to go to the Post Office today. I normally avoid it like the plague, because just like the plague it can cause rashes, fever, and in most cases, death. I had 199 envelopes that were unsealed, unstamped, and in need of sending. Now I'm fully aware that the post office is in possession of at least one (if not multiple) sealer and stamper machines - I'm sure there's a real name for this sort of technology, but all you need to know is there's a quick, pain-free way that they can seal thousands of envelopes and apply postage to them. However, because the post office inspires bubonic-like symptoms and severe depression and dymensia in all of it's employees, I had no such luck in enlisting the services of said machines. The very sad looking woman behind the metal bars at the window told me she could not help me. With anything. Ever. Or something to that effect...

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Breaking News" Yazge

So a shark walks into a park...

Don't be confused. This picture does includes neither a shark nor a park.

Lauren and I made crepes tonight. Why? Because we're going to celebrate Shark Week in the park tomorrow night. Well, it's really more that we're meeting Jamie for the movie their showing at Pier 54. It's Julie & Julia, so we thought it would be appropriate to bring a good supply of food with us. And maybe wine. We're not committing to a position right now. The confirmed menu includes an arugula/watermelon/feta salad, potato salad, quinoa, and crepes with a Nutella-like spread for dessert. I say "Nutella-like" because we went to Whole Foods today and they didn't have Nutella. The salesman said it was because there's some hydrogenated oil or something in it... we looked confused and disheartened, so he grabbed Lauren's hand, comforted her and said "But we do have several other hazelnut/chocolate spreads that - unlike Nutella - won't kill you." Who needs a doctor or therapist? Those Whole Foods employees are great!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Not going to die thanks to Whole Foods" Yazge

Shark Week!

Look at that smile... I bet he flosses.

Shark Week is upon us, ladies and gentlemen. And just like our fine, flippered friend, you should be smiling your pants off. I am only smiling my socks off at the moment, because I am currently without cable. When I realized that I would be missing The Discovery Channel's annual Shark Week, including such shows as Shark Attack Survival Guide, Shark Bite Beach, and Top Five Eaten Alive, I practically cried myself to sleep. Can't a guy just come home after a long day and watch a few hours of quality shark-themed television???

Then I realized that it's for the best that I'm not watching while I'm here in New York. Instead, I had my parents DVR the entire week's worth of shows in HD so I can watch them on the huge plasma screen when I go home next week! I see tens of hours on the couch eating ceviche, watching all kinds of Shark Week "reruns".

And now for a little audience participation: What's your favorite thing about shark week? What's your favorite kind of shark? Have you ever eaten shark? Has a shark ever eaten you? How did that make you feel? Discuss.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Shark-Attack" Yazge

Goodness, Gracious, Great Balls of Meat

My new gastronomic obsession...

Is there anything more primal, more manly, than giant balls of meat? And now there's a restaurant on the Lower East Side that sells only that: lots and lots of meatballs. Not only is their food amazing, but they're really good at naming things. The restaurant's name for instance - The Meatball Shop. No ambiguity there. Though they have a lot more than just your mother's meatballs. Take a look at the menu below:

You can get SO many things with your meatballs. Who doesn't love polenta, especially when it's freshly milled? And for all you brioche-heads out there, I personally think that's their best sandwich. I get my veggie meatballs on the brioche with pesto and some provolone. Delicious. And just when you think the fun is over, then there's dessert! They make their own ice cream sandwiches by hand. First you pick your cookie (or brownie) and then you pick you flavor of homemade ice cream. I got a brownie sandwich with mint ice cream. They even use real mint! You can see and taste the leaves in the ice cream. No artificial flavoring here!

The best part is how affordable the whole thing is. Now I just have to figure out how much I need to work out so that I can keep going back on a regular basis!


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Meat-balled" Yazge

Sasquatch Discovers Art

A canvas waiting to be color-penciled.

There comes a time in every little Sasquatch's life when hunting and gathering no longer brings fulfillment. It no longer matters how many deer he can kill or where he can find the best berries in all the land. No, he needs something more. Something, perhaps, that will allow him to express himself and fill that empty hole that no amount of raw meat can satiate. This one thing is coloring books.

When I was out wandering on Sunday with Jamie, we decided that coloring books were necessary. Surprisingly, Barnes & Noble didn't have that great of a selection. We couldn't find Disney characters, or Smurfs, not even Sesame Street. It was a bunch of random coloring books, most of which involved some type of math. Who wants that?! I did stumble across a gem though: The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carlisle. It was a copy of book, but none of the illustrations had been colored in. This was a chic coloring book. And you know, sometimes Sasquatch likes being chic. The best part is that I no longer have to compromise coloring and food, because now I'm coloring a book about food. That's really the best kind of coloring. I plan to work my way through the first two seasons of Mad Men while coloring my way through every last page. Don't ask me why, but the two just seem to be activities that should be done in tandem.


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "The Very Hungry" Yazge

Sasquatch Visits the Garden

The Brooklyn BEER Garden!

Sticking with our Tribal theme for the week, I thought it'd be good to get back to nature. And what better place to do that than a garden... full of beer. Do you see the trees in the picture? It's practically a forest in there. And don't forget that those benches used to be trees too. Just because they're dead trees, doesn't make them any less a part of nature.

So, tonight I'm headed to the Brooklyn Beer Garden. I've been there once before, to watch the US/England World Cup match. It's a pretty happenin' place, not to mention that it's in the middle of a very Eastern European part of Williamsburg. As if I needed any more of a blessing to go to the garden, there's a huge Orthodox church right down the street complete with onion domes. While my night is more likely to include onion rings, I still think that somewhere up there, my grandfathers are smiling down at me, proud that I'm connecting with my inner beer-drinking roots. I'll toast a pint of lager to you guys! Pofta Buna!!!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Garden Guy" Yazge

Awaken Your Tribal Spirit

Why was I only around for 2 years of the 80's? WHY!?

So it was a lazy night last night, and I decided to stay in and watch a movie. It was really difficult to find a movie that fit the funky mood I was in. Eventually I settled on a gem called "The Hangover." (Oddly appropriate considering my Friday night activities.) That movie will never stop being funny to me, mainly because I see a lot of me and my friends in it. And it appeals to my inner tribal-being. His name is Sasquatch Minnetonka. That loosely translates to hairy, big-footed, culturally-unlearned one. He tall. He strong. He look like always wear sweater. He dance long time to Iko Iko.

I also took plenty of notes, so that my Sasquatch "family" and I will know what to do on our epic post-graduation trip to Vegas. So far I've added the following things to our to-do list:

1. Rooftop toast
2. Trip to emergency room
3. Marry a stripper
4. Steal a tiger from a former heavy-weight boxing champion
5. Kidnap an Asian mobster
6. Leave one of our friends (probably Eller) on the roof of a hotel for 24+ hours
7. Win $80,000 at a blackjack table
8. Go home with an epic story we only half-remember

So thanks to my rediscovered love for all things tribal/Vegas-adjacent, I've dedicated this week to building a deeper connection to my inner Sasquatch. Yesterday it started with watching "The Hangover", which is where I was reminded how much I love the song "Iko Iko". That video wasn't totally non-sequitur. But did you see the awesome wardrobe up in that piece? Ugh... If only I would have been older in the 80's. I TOTALLY would have rocked that look/learned those crazy dance moves. Some people have all the luck...

Ciao Bella!

-Matteo 

Things that are delicious...

It was love at first bite.

I haven't actually tried a bite of it yet, but I made flan last night. This is the same flan I mentioned a few days ago, the celebratory flan for Spain's win and my winning of the pool. I'm not going to lie; caramel makes me nervous. I've never seen it made, so I wasn't sure if it was going right? I kept adding more water, or more sugar, which I don't think you're supposed to do. With my luck, there is a huge layer of burnt sugar at the bottom of this pan. Whatever. While I promised the people at work a flan, I never said anything about it being edible.

Something that I made last night that I both tried and was fantastic was a shitake squid risotto. Three of my favorite things all wrapped into one. Well, more than three. Shitake mushrooms, squid, rice, Argentine wine, cheese, etc. Leftovers may be the best part of that experiment. Too bad I don't measure things or write down proportions. Odds are I'll never be able to replicate it. So for a limited time only, hunt me down at my office and you can try some. (While supplies last).

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Flanmeister" Yazge

Happy Bastille Day!!!

Celebrating the above-pictured delusional "battle", so that one day Paris could have the below-pictured beautiful monument and opera house.

HAPPY BASTILLE DAY EVERYONE! I woke up this morning, and didn't realize it was Bastille Day until I saw all the French majors' Facebook statuses. Leave it to me to forget a day that commemorates a bunch of drunken Frenchmen storming a prison in an attempt to free what they believed to be hundreds of political prisoners, only to find there were six petty thieves and a lot of empty cells. It's like I'm doing this every other week.

But I personally believe that Bastille Day is much more that celebrating a misguided sense of French nationalism and liberty. It's also about celebrating a misguided sense of all things French, much in the way St. Patrick's Day does the same thing for the Irish. It's about everyone coming together over a bottle of red wine, cracking open a baguette, sniffing some brie, smoking inside and then blowing it in someone's face. It's about sitting and drinking coffee in a smokey jazz bar, listening to covers of Edith Piaf. It's about sitting in judgement of other people, later asking those same people for help when you have an angry-looking Prusisan, Englishman, or German at your door. It's all of these things and so much more. I've highlighted some examples of what you should aim for on this very exciting Bastille Day:

Option 1: The Catherine Deneuve
This gorgeous French film actress who rose to fame in the 60's is still alive and kicking (and in my opinion, hotter than ever). Do you see how she is both smoking a cigarette with a sexy look AND making you feel like you're less than her? That takes skill, my friends. Go for this look if you are over the age of 45, enjoy trench coats, or want to have a longstanding career of sexually ambiguous character roles.

Option 2: Zinedine Zidane
Famed soccer player who literally went out with a bang four years ago at the World Cup Final when he head-butted an Italian player. He combines the right amount of athleticism, weird European man-fashion, and general confusion on how to properly engage in public/on international television. Go for this look if you are guy, a bald woman, or take pride in overshadowing all the good you've done in your career with one ill-timed decision.

Option 3: Pepe Le Pew
One of my personal favorites, the Looney Toons character with a little bit of stank on him. He dresses in all grey-tones,  is kind of greasy, and enjoys chasing after women-skunks and/or cats that don't really want him. He is for all intents and purposes, the perfect Frenchman. Go for this look... always.


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Frenchy" Yazge

Los Campeones

Look ma! No hands!

Spain winning the World Cup makes me happy for a lot of reasons. Reason 1: I just generally really want them to win. Who wouldn't? Reason 2: it means I won the pool at my office. Hello nice new $ in my pocket; it's so nice to finally meet you. I promise to take moderately good care of you before giving you away for something I like more.

Reason 3: this before and after picture set of Xavi Alonso. Getting karate kicked in the chest is just hunky dory when you get a World Cup victory afterwards.

Reason 4: it means that Paul the Octopus really does have super powers...

Reason 5: It means I can celebrate with flan. Lots and lots of flan. Look how happy Shakira is! It's because she loves the flan too...

I could write more, but I feel if I don't get dressed and ready for work soon, I may not ever make it there.  Hasta mañana (tal vez...)

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Wants to be friends with Paul the Octopus" Yazge

Vamos a la Final!

Pique's got that stupid grin because we're going to the final, duh!

I don't have much time to post today, but I did want to say: HAHA! SPAIN WON! Yes, what I wanted to say purposely included a large "haha" at the beginning. In order to pronounce it properly, think less of the noise you make when something's funny, and more a victorious exhale... With your fist raised in the air. Like a conquistador! Doesn't Pique look like a conquistador in that picture I posted above? No? Well, at the very least he looks like the troubled child the conquistador's took on the ship to mop the poop deck.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "El Conquistador" Yazge

The Truffle Shuffle

It has given me a riso to live... 

I have two words for you: truffle oil. Yesterday after work I met up with Jamie, my partner in crime from my time in Italy, and just life in general. We ended up going to Risotteria on Bleecker St. I had never been before, but I have a feeling I'll be back early and often. Why wouldn't you go back when you could get Porcini and White Truffle Oil Risotto? 

Now, I'm going to be honest. I did't entirely know what a truffle is. I knew that they use pigs to hunt them down in the woods, and according to someone on the Food Network, apparently they've started using dogs to hunt them too. Mainly because the pigs eat them once they find them. But who could blame a pig for doing that? I'd do it. Does that make me a pig? Don't answer that. So anyway, I did a quick wikipedia search on truffles and apparently they're a "fungal fruiting body." The accompanying photos didn't make truffles look particularly appetizing, so instead I've pictured toddler-sized mushrooms running running through the forrest with fruit growing off their bodies, trying to escape a herd of swine. 

If that visual wasn't enough to convince you should be eating things with truffle oil, try this video on for size. I'd do this if it meant I'd get truffle oil at every meal:

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Truffle Shuffle" Yazge

Gertrude Loves Katy

My latest guilty pleasure...

So I've decided that there's some sort of 13-year-old girl living inside of me that, when deprived of horrible pop music, gets very anxious and starts to act out. She throws tantrums, makes me go see Twilight movies with my sister, and on more than one occasion has made me consider what bangs would look like. I've named her Gertrude. The name seems to go with her less-than-desirable personality. So, Gertrude's latest act of rebellion has been Katy Perry's "Caliornia Girls". If you'd asked me a month ago if I liked this song, I would have thrown my drink in your face and challenged you to a duel to defend my honor as a man and an intellectual. Now, sadly, I would only start dancing up and down and ask if you had any candy. 

Enjoy the video. Please get addicted so I'm not the only one... Gertrude needs some friends. (She's not the best at making them on her own)

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Gertrude" Yazge

Drop Dead Gorgeous

This is kind of what it was like...

I'm way too upset to write about Italian soccer today... US soccer, that's another story. Who would have thought we would come out top of the group??? Anyway, because I'm still pissed at the Italians for not getting their act together, I've decided to share a little video clip that bares a striking resemblance to the first round of Miss Indiana competition last night. I love this movie. More commentary on Miss Indiana to follow in the coming days!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Drop Dead Soccer" Yazge