Basil Marceaux.com

God help Tennessee...

So there's this guy - Basil Marceaux - who's running for Governor of Tennessee. At first I thought it had to be a joke. There's no way that anyone actually thinks that this guy could be qualified to run an entire state. It's like that guy from American Idol a bunch of seasons back who sang She Bangs... we all knew the only reason he was on the TV was to make us laugh at how pathetic he was. But with Mr. Marceaux, we're all laughing at the fact that this is 100% serious. I really can't use any more words to describe it. Just watch the following videos and shudder in fear that this man may actually have a chance at getting elected...

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "dot-com" Yazge

Happy Bastille Day!!!

Celebrating the above-pictured delusional "battle", so that one day Paris could have the below-pictured beautiful monument and opera house.

HAPPY BASTILLE DAY EVERYONE! I woke up this morning, and didn't realize it was Bastille Day until I saw all the French majors' Facebook statuses. Leave it to me to forget a day that commemorates a bunch of drunken Frenchmen storming a prison in an attempt to free what they believed to be hundreds of political prisoners, only to find there were six petty thieves and a lot of empty cells. It's like I'm doing this every other week.

But I personally believe that Bastille Day is much more that celebrating a misguided sense of French nationalism and liberty. It's also about celebrating a misguided sense of all things French, much in the way St. Patrick's Day does the same thing for the Irish. It's about everyone coming together over a bottle of red wine, cracking open a baguette, sniffing some brie, smoking inside and then blowing it in someone's face. It's about sitting and drinking coffee in a smokey jazz bar, listening to covers of Edith Piaf. It's about sitting in judgement of other people, later asking those same people for help when you have an angry-looking Prusisan, Englishman, or German at your door. It's all of these things and so much more. I've highlighted some examples of what you should aim for on this very exciting Bastille Day:

Option 1: The Catherine Deneuve
This gorgeous French film actress who rose to fame in the 60's is still alive and kicking (and in my opinion, hotter than ever). Do you see how she is both smoking a cigarette with a sexy look AND making you feel like you're less than her? That takes skill, my friends. Go for this look if you are over the age of 45, enjoy trench coats, or want to have a longstanding career of sexually ambiguous character roles.

Option 2: Zinedine Zidane
Famed soccer player who literally went out with a bang four years ago at the World Cup Final when he head-butted an Italian player. He combines the right amount of athleticism, weird European man-fashion, and general confusion on how to properly engage in public/on international television. Go for this look if you are guy, a bald woman, or take pride in overshadowing all the good you've done in your career with one ill-timed decision.

Option 3: Pepe Le Pew
One of my personal favorites, the Looney Toons character with a little bit of stank on him. He dresses in all grey-tones,  is kind of greasy, and enjoys chasing after women-skunks and/or cats that don't really want him. He is for all intents and purposes, the perfect Frenchman. Go for this look... always.


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Frenchy" Yazge

Smarter Than Your Average Cellphone

Excuse me, I need to take this...

I'm about to take the plunge. Not back into the womb, but potentially into the pool of Blackberry addicts. I go home in a little over a week, and my mobile plan is up for renewal. But this is where I need all your help: Crackberry addicts - sell me on it. Pretend like you're the strung out ex-con in the after school specials and I'm the unsuspecting Peter Brady-like character. Because honestly, the more Blackberry people that talk to me, the more likely I am to get one. I'm still not 100% on what a BBM is, but I know that I want to be a part of it.

Non-Blackberry smart phone users: why? What are you using and why do you think it's better than a Blackberry? Or do you? Are you just settling? Because really, you could do so much better. Do you know that our president is a  Blackberry addict? Did you also know that he battles with nicotene addiction? What do you think of this? What did you think of the landmark Health Care Bill? Would you start smoking in order to get a better smart phone?

So many questions today. I don't claim to know any of the answers, which is why y'all need to comment up in this piece. GRAZIE MILLE!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Becoming Blackberry" Yazge

The Native Tourist

So stressed out I can't even handle it. Sorry I didn't write this weekend, but here's what was keeping me busy. I gave all the items awards. I'll come back to some of them later this week. It was great feeling like a tourist again, getting to do all the fun stuff with some good friends. Thanks Jac and Kat for a great time!

Best Jogging by a Pundit in a Park: James Carville

 

Worst Parent/Child Combo: Dylan's Candy Bar

 

Best Thing Ever in the History of Everything/Best Celebrity Appearance in My Life This Weekend: Miss Kathy Griffin

Best Movie I've Seen for the Second Time: A Single Man

Best Belgian Fries: Pommes Frites

Best Latenight Dessert Fix: Veniero's

Best Housewares from Houseguests: Crate & Barrel

Best Housewares from Myself: Fishs Eddy

Best Bourbon in my Manhattans: Maker's Mark

(Kentuckians really do make the best Manhattans)

Ciao Bella

-Matteo "Weekended-out" Yazge

Più Cinema, Per Sempre

Ooooh... blue.

I'm a sucker for shiny things and bright colors. So you can guess how much I enjoyed Avatar. The graphics were beyond stunning, and as soon as I got over being ill from the 3D glasses, I felt like I was in the movie. The world they constructed was phenomenally gorgeous, and the story gave off such a Mother-Earth-tree-hugger vibe that I wanted to go live in the Amazon.

However, there were a few flaws. I understood the whole parallel to US military involvement around the world, but they took it a bit far at times. One of the characters even says things like "shock and awe" or "fight terror with terror". Don't get me wrong; I sympathize with the overall message: don't rape and pillage native peoples for energy and stuff. But it got a tad Glenn Beck at times. Granted he would have been arguing that the humans should have been killing every tree-hugger in sight, but that's beside the point. Like Glenn Beck, the movie had moments where you didn't care what the message was because the delivery is so distasteful that you just wanted to turn it off.

Which brings me to the gym. While I still had a throbbing headache after the movie, I'm pretty sure that Glenn Beck being on the TV while I was on the treadmill only made things worse. I couldn't move without feeling like my head was going to explode. My cure? Tea, pad thai, and National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Tree-hugging" Yazge

Alla fine, alla casa

Gotcha!

So I'm home, and I'd love to talk about how much I'm enjoying it and Christmas and Glee and blah blah blah.... but I think that this needs to be shared first:

SOMEONE PUNCHED BERLUSCONI IN THE FACE. You thought it was bad when that dude threw a shoe at Bush? This guy all out through a punch at the Prime Minister, while holding what witnesses said was a replica of the Duomo. Well, if God can't punch you in the face, I think this is the closest you're going to get!


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Bashed in the Face" Yazge

Il Presidente

Someone needs to give Michelle a Nobel for rocking that yellow dress.

I was astonished today to see that my meager little status had spurred on quite a debate, mainly among people that don't know each other, which is pretty hilarious. For anyone that lives under a rock, President Obama received a Nobel Peace Prize this morning for "extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples." Let's discuss, shall we?

Obama's not a bad guy. He means well. He likes to talk to people about their problems. He's kind of like Dear Abby in that sense.

Dear Bommy, 

     I keep getting shot at by foreigners. Also, I'm starving. Please help. 

                Love, 

                The World. 

Dear World, 

    I've got this. But let's talk a lot first, and I'm going to need a downpayment. A Nobel Prize, perhaps? 

                Sincerely, 

                'President-O' 

P.S. - O stands for Obama, not Oprah. Though with all her money, she might as well be Commander in Chief.

I'm pretty sure that that was the exact letter that won him the prize. But let's be perfectly honest here. Obama might be on the road to help fix some of our problems. He might. But right now, our economy is still broken, we still don't have healthcare reform, Iraq and Afghanistan are still huge messes and Pakistan becomes more and more of a problem each day, and the only tangible product of this administration so far is cash for clunkers. I don't know about you, but a President whose greatest achievement thusfar is being a used car salesman, doesn't deserve a Nobel Peace Prize. Oh, and apparently it makes sense for him to be trying to sell the world on the Olympics. How'd that go? Fail.

I will admit that since he's been in office, President Obama has radically changed the way the White House addresses the rest of the world. But let's face it: after George Bush ANYONE would look like a peaceful negotiator. And let's not forget that Obama received his nomination only TWO WEEKS after he was sworn into office. Could someone please explain to me what he did in those two weeks that so drastically caught the attention of the nominating committee?

I'm all about helping people. But let's actually do it.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Peace-in-the-Middle-East" Yazge

Berlusconi Non C'è Perdoni

Why so down in the dumps?

We went to the opera tonight (don't worry, I'll get to that tomorrow) and I had to stay up finishing some work, but I couldn't resist writing about this once I saw the articles uploading around the web.

BERLUSCONI NO LONGER HAS IMMUNITY.

Yes. Silvio Berlusconi, Prime Minister of Italy, alleged sexual deviant, anti-trust violator, Mussolini Jr, guy who makes us glad the worst we've had in a while was a stained blue dress. He no longer has diplomatic immunity. Italy's Constitutional Court overruled a piece of legislation that gave Berlusconi and 3 other top officials immunity from prosecution. Mind you, he was the one that pushed for this law in the first place. While no immediate consequences are 100% clear, it's rather obvious that the big B's footing isn't quite as steady as it used to be. Also, what 73-year-old has jet-black hair? Dye job.

Do you smell that? It's a juicy and a little sweet. Someone's goose is cooked.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Sleep-deprived" Yazge

Le Olimpiadi

Shock on the face of Chicago after it lost the bid for the 2016 Olympic Games... it's delicious.

OK. I love Chicago. I do. It's a wonderful city. But you HAVE to love the ridiculousness of these people's reactions. Especially the lady in the jean jacket? Hello Midwest! We have reverted to wearing denim on the upper halves of our bodies again. It was worth me posting again today. Aren't you tickled?

Sure. We all would have loved to go to the Olympics here because it's cheaper. I get that. But now it just means we get to go to Rio. Lots more fun. Lots more beach. But I think where Chicago went wrong involves the sign being held by the woman in the lower right. Oprah?! Really... No, no, no. Pushy Americans scare the rest of the world, and no one embodies the pushy American more than Oprah. That crazy lady is hell-bent on total world domination. Frankly I'm shocked that the had the guts to tell her no. She could buy and sell them five times over. Or whatever it is that rich people use their money to do to poor people. Put it in a big bag and then beat them over the head with it?

My approach would have been completely different. Here's who I would have sent in lieu of the big "O":

TAYLOR SCHAFFER, US OLYMPIC REPRESENTATIVE 2012!

(In the mean time, Miss ISU 2009!)

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Rio Ruvin'" Yazge

Chiesa e Stato

From top down: church (inside and out); outside the EU, artistically expressing the strength of the euro; me being kingly outside the palace

The Duomo in Florence has nothing on the churches in Brussels. These babies are gorgeous inside and out. Sure, the Duomo has a nice marble exterior and sets the skyline for the city. But inside? The thing is practically barren. It feels empty, even during Sunday Mass. The churches we went to in Brussels were gorgeous. Granted I'm a sucker for Gothic architecture, but still. Inside every church we visited, there were floor to ceiling stained-glass windows, marble statues, side altars, even a few icons. We also managed to catch a recital in the one we visited on Sunday afternoon. Coincidentally, that church has a pretty awesome market outside of it. I was tempted to buy lots of cool antique jewelry to bring back for people, but at that point I was out of cash. Mi dispiace. Maybe there will be a better market in Paris?

We also managed to see the EU, which lucky for us is based in Brussels so we didn't have to go far. In the square just outside the EU headquarters, there was a guy who was protesting something in the Middle East: oppression, genocide, sand. Though I'm fairly sure it had something to do with Iran killing politicians in Iraq. But maybe it was over sand. You never know. If I lived in a place that was that hot all the time and didn't have running water, I'd be pretty pissed at the sand too. Regardless, we signed his petition, proving that we are tourists for a cause. We should make it our goal to sign a petition in every country we visit. That should be easy enough in Europe as no one actually wants to work, so protesting/petitioning/going on strike are easy ways to do that. We should have no problem finding angsty workers or civil rights proponents.

The last place of political or religious significance that we saw was the Royal Palace. It has a name, but I don't know it. Nor do I particularly care what it is, because they don't allow tours. Not to mention that it was the palace where King Leopold lived. You know Leo, the Congo-conquering madman that caused Joseph Conrad to write Heart of Darkness. Real sweetheart.

As a last tidbit, I'm trying to upload pictures to Facebook so you can see even more of Belgium as I continue to blog about it this week. For some reason Facebook doesn't want to cooperate, but no surprise there. Facebook never works when you want it to. Least of all when you're in Italy. But keep your eyes open, and I'll let you know when they're up!


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Peace in the Middle East (and the Congo)" Yazge