So a shark walks into a park...

Don't be confused. This picture does includes neither a shark nor a park.

Lauren and I made crepes tonight. Why? Because we're going to celebrate Shark Week in the park tomorrow night. Well, it's really more that we're meeting Jamie for the movie their showing at Pier 54. It's Julie & Julia, so we thought it would be appropriate to bring a good supply of food with us. And maybe wine. We're not committing to a position right now. The confirmed menu includes an arugula/watermelon/feta salad, potato salad, quinoa, and crepes with a Nutella-like spread for dessert. I say "Nutella-like" because we went to Whole Foods today and they didn't have Nutella. The salesman said it was because there's some hydrogenated oil or something in it... we looked confused and disheartened, so he grabbed Lauren's hand, comforted her and said "But we do have several other hazelnut/chocolate spreads that - unlike Nutella - won't kill you." Who needs a doctor or therapist? Those Whole Foods employees are great!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Not going to die thanks to Whole Foods" Yazge

Sasquatch Visits the Garden

The Brooklyn BEER Garden!

Sticking with our Tribal theme for the week, I thought it'd be good to get back to nature. And what better place to do that than a garden... full of beer. Do you see the trees in the picture? It's practically a forest in there. And don't forget that those benches used to be trees too. Just because they're dead trees, doesn't make them any less a part of nature.

So, tonight I'm headed to the Brooklyn Beer Garden. I've been there once before, to watch the US/England World Cup match. It's a pretty happenin' place, not to mention that it's in the middle of a very Eastern European part of Williamsburg. As if I needed any more of a blessing to go to the garden, there's a huge Orthodox church right down the street complete with onion domes. While my night is more likely to include onion rings, I still think that somewhere up there, my grandfathers are smiling down at me, proud that I'm connecting with my inner beer-drinking roots. I'll toast a pint of lager to you guys! Pofta Buna!!!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Garden Guy" Yazge

200!!!

For Ingrid, who taught me how to be straight-up gansta.

OK. Let's be honest. I'm not gangsta. I'm not even a little bit gangster, with an "r". (There's a difference, trust me.) But I feel that if I were to be either of those two things, I would still owe a lot of my street cred to one Ingrid Michaelson, the baddest betch in all the land. 

Today is a fun day, because I officially hit 200 posts with this entry! Not only that, I'm still running of the high from last night's Ingrid Michaelson concert, which was - as one audience member yelled out - SPLENDID! Which prompted Ingrid to go into this old-timey voice and talk about splendid things... She's great with the witty banter. Anyway, at one point in the concert she talks about how a lot of her fans approach her and say the same thing: "OMG INGRID! You're songs are soooo cute! You're just sooo cute! Everything about you and your music is cute Cute CUTE!" She then said that these people clearly don't listen to the lyrics, because she's not cute, she's "dark and twisted." Which when you listen to her lyrics, it's a little true. So Ingrid sang us this fake song about her growing old by herself in the middle of nowhere with a dog and dying alone, and then rotting in the ground. All to the ukulele. That's gangsta.

The problem is I love the dark and twisty lyrics. I think they're genius. And when I listen to those songs loud enough for other people to hear, they think I'm listening to happy ukulele music. While that's partially true, I'm also listening to artistic genius (all artistic genius has to be a little dark and twisty). I think of it as prep work for when I'll be old and dying alone and rotting in the ground, outlived by my only companion - my incontinent dog. That's gangster.

To 200 posts! To Ingrid Michaelson! To gangsta rap and the thug life!


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "thug-nasty" Yazge

Promises, Promises = Amazing, Amazing.

I could die. DIE! DIE! DIE!

That's how amazing this show was. So my padre is in town for the weekend, and we decided we'd really like to go see a show. Fast forward about 24 hours, and we're watching Sean Hayes be the most ridiculously hilarious actor I've ever seen live. I almost peed my pants. Ok, so maybe I did pee my pants. Just a little trickle though... There was one part in particular where another actor dropped the lid to a liquor bottle he was using on set, and it started rolling away. Sean Hayes improved flawlessly and kept saying (in a very Jack McFarland kind of way) "Oh no. Nope. Over there. Stilllll rolling, hahahah. Over. Over. Yup. Ohhhhh-kay. Got it." I know this makes me sound like a blabbering idiot, but I was there. Just trust me: it was funny.

But perhaps the best performance of the show was by Katie Finneran, who played a crazy drunk. Who doesn't love those? Sean Hayes meets her in a bar after being stood-up for a date. She's all giggles and slurred words, and low raspy one-liners. She's even wearing a shawl made out of owl. And then at the end of their song together, Sean jumps up, wraps his legs around her waist (as she's holding him) and they proceed to have one of the sloppiest on-stage makeout sessions I've ever seen. It was beautiful. I think that moment was what got her the Tony nomination for this role. No, seriously. She's nominated for a Tony for this role. And if she doesn't win, I may die.

Oh, and I got to see Kristin Chenoweth live. That was awesome too. Couldn't end the post without at least saying her name once.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Promises" Yazge

When a Boy loves a TV.

My metaphorically blown -up TV.

I never watched that much live television when I had TV this past semester, so I didn't realize how valuable a thing my TV was until I didn't have it. Absence makes the mushy-gray-matter grow fonder, stronger and less reliant on trashy reality shows, but still fonder. In the new apartment there's a lack of cable, mainly because we're too cheap to pay for it. But now I can't watch all my shows when they normally air. This wouldn't be a problem, but I have several friend who like to share all the best lines from the shows I watch before I actually have the opportunity to watch them. Not to name names, but the most notorious for this is a small blonde who may or may not be competing in Miss Indiana next month... Let's see how ruining plot lines meshes with the rest of your platform? I'm sure the judges will be very interested in what I have to say!

I wound up going to a friend's last night to watch Glee, which ended up being really fun. But I can't come break down her door every time the Jersey Housewives are on, though that would be a very Jersey Housewives thing to do. I'm currently investigating other options, which include swiping into an NYU dorm, cranking up the volume in a Best Buy, and installing an antennae into my skull. I'm not sure about the last one, but I figure it's worth a shot.


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "And it's been 7 days since my last at-home cable experience" Yazge

Reading, 'riting, and Sniffing Jackets

Acting with James Franco Episode 3: Scene Work from James Franco

Actors act, and actors sniff jackets.... Sniff it.

So I have my reading at the Creative Writing House tonight. Well, it's not just me, but let's just blow over that detail. Anyway, in order to get in the right frame of mind, I thought it would be good to delve deep in the acting world for some serious pointers. It's one thing to write a story, and it's a completely different ball game to be asked to read it in front of people. Plus, it's been so long since my star performance as Hispanic #4 in the Terre Haute Community Theater's production of West Side Story. Luckily enough James Franco has his own series of online acting lessons. Boy, did I learn a lot.

Also, if you're interested in coming tonight, the reading is at 58 W 10th St. It starts at 7pm sharp, so be sure to show up a little early!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Sniffs Jackets" Yazge

Wino Wednesday: On a Thursday

I don't know, what's amatta with you?

A Wednesday went by without a Wino Wednesday post. Surprisingly, I woke up this beautiful Thursday morning and the world was still here. PHEWWW! Now that we know the world indeed will go on despite my blogging activity (or lack thereof), I'd like to cheers the unconventional and the non-time-specific!

I bought this bottle of Casamatta last week, relying on it to help me read some of my Italian books over the weekend. As you can guess, the wine is gone and those books aren't very much further read. But it's the thought that counts, which raises a good point. When you're looking for good pairings for wine, don't always limit yourself to food. Other inanimate objects work just as well: books, movies, magazines, taxidermy animals. But perhaps the best pairing is another person. I really felt like a 90-year-old ex-professor sitting around in my apartment sipping on a Tuscan wine and reading in a different language. It was a very good wine though. I'd seriously recommend it, and if you can get yourself to Astor Wines, it's on sale for $10/bottle.

I was discussing my propensity for old-man activities before class started yesterday, and how I stand in stark contrast to one of my friends who is planning on getting married in the next year. Rather glibly I said that I couldn't even think about marriage, and as far as I was concerned I was planning on dying alone; I'd already taken all the proper steps to make sure that happened, and it really seemed like my best option at this point. A couple people overheard and laughed along with us. I'm assuming it was 'with', and not 'at' me. The point is don't drink alone. You'll die alone.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Die-alone" Yazge

Wino Wednesday: There's one in every bunch

I love this woman's face.

I regret to inform you all that I have found a dud. A bad egg. A lemon. The bottle of wine for this week is horrible. It's a Chilean Cabernet Savignon called Babor. Just remember that it has a red label with a seahorse on it, and that you should stay as far away from it as possible. Its flavor was really weak, and tasted almost of rotten fruit. Yes, I realize that technically all wine is "rotten" fruit, but not all wine tastes like it was fermented in New York City dumpster.

Instead of dedicating this week to a bad wine, I'd like to rededicate it to an amazing time in Singapore! So it is de facto dedicated to Captain and Coke! (If you're confused, take one part Captain Morgan Spiced Rum, one part Coca Cola, and drink. Repeat.) Captain and Coke was the official drink of my spring break. I met lots of awesome people, had a great time, and we kept the fun times rollin' (and the Captain and Cokes pourin') even when we got back. So here's to you Captain, my Captain! Just beware, he IS a pirate and as such cannot be trusted with your dignity. Also, beware of the eye-patch. When you can't see both eyes, you know he's got to be shifty.

Don't be like kitteh...

The Ugly American encourages everyone to drink responsibly.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Captain" Yazge

Food with Soul

If the eyes are the window the soul, then my stomach is the revolving door...

Last night Jamie and I went out to eat. We wanted to go somewhere fun, and I really wanted to go somewhere I hadn't been before. And that's when she suggested ACME. That's also remembered that she was a genius.

I've always been a huge fan of soul food. Coincidentally, I also seem to be one of the few white people who crave collard greens. DELICIOUS. ACME is beyond mouthwatering. Every table is set with cornbread and butter, and while I wasn't in the mood for a drink last night, the mango margaritas sounded like heaven in a glass. What I did end up eating was a half-shrimp-half-oyster po boy sandwich. Well, I ate half of it. That's the only thing missing from my undying love for soul food: a bigger stomach. I guess I only have half a soul?


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Po Boy" Yazge

The Native Tourist

So stressed out I can't even handle it. Sorry I didn't write this weekend, but here's what was keeping me busy. I gave all the items awards. I'll come back to some of them later this week. It was great feeling like a tourist again, getting to do all the fun stuff with some good friends. Thanks Jac and Kat for a great time!

Best Jogging by a Pundit in a Park: James Carville

 

Worst Parent/Child Combo: Dylan's Candy Bar

 

Best Thing Ever in the History of Everything/Best Celebrity Appearance in My Life This Weekend: Miss Kathy Griffin

Best Movie I've Seen for the Second Time: A Single Man

Best Belgian Fries: Pommes Frites

Best Latenight Dessert Fix: Veniero's

Best Housewares from Houseguests: Crate & Barrel

Best Housewares from Myself: Fishs Eddy

Best Bourbon in my Manhattans: Maker's Mark

(Kentuckians really do make the best Manhattans)

Ciao Bella

-Matteo "Weekended-out" Yazge

Ben & Jerry's, Self-Portraits, and Shakespearean Quotes

Where do the last two pieces go...?

My average evening usually involves a cup of tea, maybe some television, a shower, then a good book right before bed. You know, because I'm an 80-year-old man. I've had many decades to hone this fail-proof evening regimen. But last night I got a call from my friend Sascha, who told me about this bar called "Common Ground". It's a little neighborhood dive over on Avenue A, and on Wednesdays it hosts a Trivia Night. Now you know how I love me a good game of trivia. It feeds the competitive monster inside of me. So naturally I told Sascha that I would be there and that we would win. Or die trying.

I was expecting something along the lines of Jeopardy difficulty for these questions. Man was I wrong. There were six rounds of ten questions. We only stayed for four before giving up. Our categories that we valiantly attempted (and failed at) were Quotable Quotes (historically relevant quotes for which we had to guess the speaker), General Knowledge (which wasn't so general), Ben and Jerry's Flavors, and Self Portraits (we were given the portraits and had to name the artist). For the record, I did know some of the quotes. My love for books ensured I at least knew the ones from Oscar Wilde and Mark Twain. And the Ben and Jerry's thing? That was ridiculous. I didn't see the team that got 9 out of 10 correct, but if I had to guess, they were probably the ones sitting in the corner with a huge plate of hot wings and deep-fried cheese balls.

But fear not! I'm not intimidated. We're recruiting a team and going back! This is not over. Oh, no. It's just begun.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Trivially Untriumphant" Yazge