Awaken Your Tribal Spirit

Why was I only around for 2 years of the 80's? WHY!?

So it was a lazy night last night, and I decided to stay in and watch a movie. It was really difficult to find a movie that fit the funky mood I was in. Eventually I settled on a gem called "The Hangover." (Oddly appropriate considering my Friday night activities.) That movie will never stop being funny to me, mainly because I see a lot of me and my friends in it. And it appeals to my inner tribal-being. His name is Sasquatch Minnetonka. That loosely translates to hairy, big-footed, culturally-unlearned one. He tall. He strong. He look like always wear sweater. He dance long time to Iko Iko.

I also took plenty of notes, so that my Sasquatch "family" and I will know what to do on our epic post-graduation trip to Vegas. So far I've added the following things to our to-do list:

1. Rooftop toast
2. Trip to emergency room
3. Marry a stripper
4. Steal a tiger from a former heavy-weight boxing champion
5. Kidnap an Asian mobster
6. Leave one of our friends (probably Eller) on the roof of a hotel for 24+ hours
7. Win $80,000 at a blackjack table
8. Go home with an epic story we only half-remember

So thanks to my rediscovered love for all things tribal/Vegas-adjacent, I've dedicated this week to building a deeper connection to my inner Sasquatch. Yesterday it started with watching "The Hangover", which is where I was reminded how much I love the song "Iko Iko". That video wasn't totally non-sequitur. But did you see the awesome wardrobe up in that piece? Ugh... If only I would have been older in the 80's. I TOTALLY would have rocked that look/learned those crazy dance moves. Some people have all the luck...

Ciao Bella!

-Matteo 

Milwaukee Wisconsin and How Midwest Airlines Sucked at Life

You are here. Mainly because other people are incompetent.

Midwest Airlines needs a new operations manager, because they seriously SUCK at managing delayed flights. Right now I should be laughing about old times with a good friend on the way back from the Indianapolis airport. Instead, I'm in God-forsaken Milwaukee, Wisconsin in a dilapidated La Quinta Inn. And it's not even free! Yes, I understand that my flight was delayed because of weather. However, we weren't delayed so much that they couldn't hold my connecting flight for me. The plane would have been delayed by 15, 20 minutes tops. And now they're making me pay $50 to stay in this crap hotel. Oh, and I have to pay for the shuttle to the airport in the morning because my flight leaves before the "hotel" (I'm being gracious with my diction here) offers standard shuttles. As my ever classy grandmother sometimes says: I'm so mad I could shit a brick.

I need to go shower now. Being on a plane always makes me feel gross, and I have to be awake in less than 5 hours. Shoot me, shoot me now.


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Midwest Airline's customer service will have HELL to pay" Yazge

Indiana Bound!

Oh, the Hoosier state. 

Today I am headed back to the state of my birth, one of the finest of the Midwestern states, home to the meth-lab capital of the world: Indiana. I feel a swell of pride when I hear that name. That, and a slight dizzy feeling accompanied by a taste that can only be described as metallic yellow. I think most people know that sensation as nauseated apprehension.

I leave this evening to go back to watch my friend Taylor (see picture) compete in the Miss Indiana Beauty... oh, wait... "Scholarship" Competition. She will be quizzed on all things scholarly, academic, and ed-ju-mah-cational. I even believe there's a portion of the competition that involves a hybrid math test/lab experiment. They give all the contestants their multiplication tables and see how long it takes each contestant to pass out from frustration. Not my Taylor though! She's as smart as a whip! Sharp as a tack! Cuter than a baby's bottom! But seriously, I can't wait to get back and root her on. There are even t-shirts.

But just to prove that I too am up to snuff on my Indiana trivia (in the likely even that they ask me to be King of Indiana and reign alongside Taylor), I'd like to share some of the little known facts about our great state:

1. While most people know Michael Jackson was born here and went on to become the king of pop, not many realize that the other Jackson siblings - most notably LaToya - spent most of their childhoods plotting a way to expose Janet's scantily-clad breast on national television. And while it may have taken them a long time to achieve that goal, I don't think we can overlook such an accomplishment.
2. Indiana is called the "Crossroads of America". As such, it has become very clear that no one drives anymore...
3. Peru, Indiana was once known as the "Circus Capital of America". To honor this tradition, many Hoosiers feel the need to behave like circus freaks.
4. We're the home to two recent NCAA March Madness almost-winners, Butler and IU! Three cheers for almost being the best!
5. Amy Poehler's current show, Parks and Recreation is set in the fictional town of Pawnee, Indiana. It's doubtless that many Hoosiers are trying to figure out where exactly this city is. The search committee's last trip had 13 men, 2 dogs, and a circus clown from Peru stuck in the woods just outside Marion County for days...
6. The state flower is the Peony, the state bird is the Cardinal, and the state tree is the Tulip Tree. Even despite the fact that tulips can't grow on trees and that at least makes one of those things mildly interesting for 5 seconds, no one in Indiana cares.
7. Oh, and I almost forgot. We have the Colts. Totally makes up for the rest of the state, right?

See? I know things.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Hoosier-daddy?" Yazge

Wino Wednesday: There's one in every bunch

I love this woman's face.

I regret to inform you all that I have found a dud. A bad egg. A lemon. The bottle of wine for this week is horrible. It's a Chilean Cabernet Savignon called Babor. Just remember that it has a red label with a seahorse on it, and that you should stay as far away from it as possible. Its flavor was really weak, and tasted almost of rotten fruit. Yes, I realize that technically all wine is "rotten" fruit, but not all wine tastes like it was fermented in New York City dumpster.

Instead of dedicating this week to a bad wine, I'd like to rededicate it to an amazing time in Singapore! So it is de facto dedicated to Captain and Coke! (If you're confused, take one part Captain Morgan Spiced Rum, one part Coca Cola, and drink. Repeat.) Captain and Coke was the official drink of my spring break. I met lots of awesome people, had a great time, and we kept the fun times rollin' (and the Captain and Cokes pourin') even when we got back. So here's to you Captain, my Captain! Just beware, he IS a pirate and as such cannot be trusted with your dignity. Also, beware of the eye-patch. When you can't see both eyes, you know he's got to be shifty.

Don't be like kitteh...

The Ugly American encourages everyone to drink responsibly.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Captain" Yazge

My jet is lagging...

This just made sense...

So what else are you supposed to do when your body tells you it's 2 in the afternoon, when really it's 2 am? Bingo! Go out for a drink with some friends.

Here's what I don't understand: the entire time we were in Singapore, my body clock was fine. No jet lag. Not even a little bit of helicopter lag or cab lag. There was no lagging of any sort. But right now my body literally can't tell whether it should be sleeping, eating, sweating, spinning, you name it. Although can we discuss how nice it is to have a meal that isn't doused in some variety of fish sauce? Or deep fried with pork? I had a wonderful tofu salad last night for dinner, which all things considered was still very Asian. But the point is that it was something green. I was in Singapore so long I almost forgot what a vegetable was. Like, real vegetables. Not the type that have names that don't translate and are then used to make weird jello or dessert soups. Don't ask. Just understand that my stomach is now being able to digest things without the assistance of anti-nausea medication.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Not-so-Iron-Stomach" Yazge

And you thought I was overly dramatic...

Why it leave and I already here!?

So thankfully, this wasn't me at any point on the trip. I made it to everywhere I was supposed to be on time. But our professor sent us this video that I thought was worth sharing with all of you. Below is a spoof of the above video. A couple students thought it would be funny to recreate the first video, but in the context of missing an elevator. Hilarious.

But the elevator be so gone already! WHY!?

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Punctuality" Yazge

The Singapore Sitch

I kinda looked like that lion/fish...

Have you missed me? Really? Good. Between midterms, packing, and cleaning my apartment at 3 in the morning there wasn’t exactly time to write a bunch of posts in advance. Let me give you a little snapshot of the past few days in Singapore:

Singapore = Jurassic Park

It’s true. The entire place is way too manicured, and the tropical plants and heat give it the feel that there’s a veloca raptor waiting for you around the corner. The industrial buildings and threat of caning doesn’t exactly help with anything.

The Caning Situation

I haven’t been caned… yet. I came awfully close. I got food poisoning from all the fish we ate at dinner the other night. Who thought it would be a good idea to cook jellyfish and serve it in a chili sauce? Not me. But I still ate it, because I thought I’d try to be worldly. Anyway, long story short I threw up in the bushes outside the company we were visiting yesterday. Yup, I’m a classy individual. I’m expecting calls from Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton any time now. I’m sure we can all be super glamorous outside the barfatoriums of the rich and famous..

More later. Right now we’re off to a Singaporean university. More econ and finance? God help me. Maybe I’ll just throw up.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo “Barfello” Yazge

Singapore!

I made it!

It's certainly a tropical location. It's almost 2 in the morning here and it's hot as a mother, and humid enough to make you feel like you're sweating even when you're not. It's not the best... but hey! At least it's a vacation?

I'm too tired and brain-dead to write anything witty or charming. The fact that I'm being charged 35 cents a minute for internet doesn't help any. I'll give you updates as I have them. But so far, I haven't been caned. SUCCESS!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Cane-free" Yazge

The Native Tourist

So stressed out I can't even handle it. Sorry I didn't write this weekend, but here's what was keeping me busy. I gave all the items awards. I'll come back to some of them later this week. It was great feeling like a tourist again, getting to do all the fun stuff with some good friends. Thanks Jac and Kat for a great time!

Best Jogging by a Pundit in a Park: James Carville

 

Worst Parent/Child Combo: Dylan's Candy Bar

 

Best Thing Ever in the History of Everything/Best Celebrity Appearance in My Life This Weekend: Miss Kathy Griffin

Best Movie I've Seen for the Second Time: A Single Man

Best Belgian Fries: Pommes Frites

Best Latenight Dessert Fix: Veniero's

Best Housewares from Houseguests: Crate & Barrel

Best Housewares from Myself: Fishs Eddy

Best Bourbon in my Manhattans: Maker's Mark

(Kentuckians really do make the best Manhattans)

Ciao Bella

-Matteo "Weekended-out" Yazge

DC, Colts, and Short Stories

Proof we (and the two strangers in the background) were actually there.

DC was a good time. It took me a couple hours of texting to wake Lauren up. So much for an early morning out on the National Lawn. The only museum we ended up visiting was the Air and Space Museum. There was a lot of air, a lot of space, a lot of things that were exciting the first time I saw them. When I was 7. So that was a bit of a bust, but I'm really glad I got to spend time with Lauren.

On my way back today, I wore my Colts sweatshirt. Admittedly it was a risky decision. Luckily for me, there weren't any diehard Jets fans on the bus. Also luckily for me, the Colts won, and we're going to the Superbowl!  On top of that, this morning I was able to knock out a good portion of my short story that's due on Tuesday. So it's been a good weekend, and a REALLY good day! Now to plan the Superbowl party!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Psyched for the Superbowl" Yazge

On the Road Again

It's such a pretty building in which we accomplishing little to nothing as a nation.

This week has been a little hectic. So, I apologize for the lack of posts. In all reality it's you who should be consoling me. I can't believe I'm this busy, and it's only the first week of the semester. I'm just glad that there were no incidents during my first night on duty as an RA. For good measure, I told all my residents that under to circumstances were they allowed to shoot heroin into their eyeballs in the lobby. Not while I was on duty. But I digress.

Currently, I am in DC (in my cousin's kitchen, to be more specific). It wasn't the easiest of trips to get here though. When I stopped by my apartment after work I realized I had forgotten my cell phone back at the office. So, I only had thirty minutes to rush back to pick it up and make it to the Bolt Bus on time. And of course, because I'm a genius, I did it all while trying to carry a cup full of hot tea, which inevitably spilled all over my hand several times. I ended up catching a cab from the office over to Penn Station, and was literally banging on the door of the bus as it was pulling away. The driver gave me the most apathetic look I'd seen all day, and then kept driving. Lucky for me Bolt Bus has buses that run every 30 minutes, so I didn't have to wait that long.

Well, as much as I'd love to stick around and chat some more about different times I've lost my cell phone, I need to go get ready for the day. I'm meeting some friends this afternoon to run around DC. We're doing all the museums, monuments, etc. I'll let you know how it goes!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Barely Bolted" Yazge

Non è la fine, solo è l'inizio.

Tomorrow is the last time I open my front door to this...

AH! It's over! I can't believe I've spent over 100 days in Italy. In less than 24 hours I'll be taking off for JFK, the second of three flights I'll take to get back to the 'burgh. I'm not exactly thrilled at the idea of being in transit more than 20 hours, and you bet that I'm going to need my "nervous pills" to handle that many flights in such a short period of time.

I was trying to figure out what I could say to give some sense of finality, of bringing everything together. I'd like to blame my lack of words on the fact that I still have two finals left to take before I leave campus today. It's really more because I don't have it in me to be sappy and inspirational. Yes, I'm going to get back to Greensburg (a cultural wasteland in comparison to Europe) and be happy to see my family. It's going to be hard to cope with the fact that I can't find amazing gelato, or jetset to Paris for the weekend, or speak Italian to anyone, well speak it and have anyone understand me. But - in typical Ugly American style - I'd like to point out the things that will make my transition to the US easier. If there's anything I've learned from Oprah and Dr. Phil, it's that pointing out the flaws in your relationship will help make the breakup process faster and less regrettable:

1. Gym Membership: I will no longer be a lard-ass. I will be on a treadmill at least every other day, doing core exercises, and hopefully lifting weights in an attempt to trick people into thinking I have an upper body.
2. Grocery Shopping: Any plant that grows in the world will be at my fingertips. Kashi will return to it's rightful place in my diet. Skim milk will exist again. Perhaps most importantly, I'll be able to eat real peanut butter again.
3. A Real Home: TV. American TV. A bed that isn't just a mattress held up by four wooden pegs, in a bedroom I don't have to share - that has a bathroom that I don't have to share. A fully functional kitchen. Heat. Adequate lighting = no more reading by candlelight. Functioning wireless.
4. Texting: I didn't realize how much I enjoyed my cell phone until I didn't have it. I miss being able to shoot off a text when I see something ridiculously hysterical. I'll be able to get ahold of people now without having to worry about surcharges, unreasonable rates, or time zones.
5. Famiglia e Amici! Of course the best part... I guess, right? I kid, I kid. I'm very excited to be home with everyone.

So what's on the docket for this evening? Glad you asked. After I finish my last final, I'm off to throw the last few things in my bags, then out for my last authentic Italian dinner. After that, I think we'll probably pop open a bottle of champagne in the piazza, and sit around enjoying the Christmas tree and the carousel, perhaps dancing to street music. With any luck I may end up going out for one last night at the discotheque, only to make it back to the apartment with enough time for a brief nap before waking up at 6am to head to the airport! It's going to be a long 36 hours until I finally make it home. Say a little prayer for me! Talk to you all soon!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Homeward Bound" Yazge

P.S. - You can bet I won't be posting from the airports tomorrow. No way I'm getting charged another $20!

Che posso fare?

THE SAGA CONTINUES!

Some time yesterday, I received the following comment on the blog post in which I discuss my horrible experience with Boingo:

"I’m sorry to hear that you had a frustrating experience with us. We want you to be happy with Boingo, and we certainly don’t try to sneak anything past our customers. (We love puppies!)

Would you please send me an email at lsanyal at boingo dot com with your account information? We’ll take a look into your account and try to determine what happened. I’d definitely like to help resolve this concern for you. Thank you for your candid feedback!"


First off, I'm SHOCKED that they have someone scanning the internet for consumer complaints. This leads me to believe one of two things: 1) Boingo is seriously committed to customer service, or 2) There's a bigger problem that's causing them to put out fires before it becomes a bigger public issue. So after doing some digging around the internet, I found out that apparently the e-mail address is legit. It's on their Facebook Page, their Twitter, and several third party consumer complaint websites. So I decided to send lsanyal an e-mail trying to confirm that it is in fact a Boingo employee and not some random person perusing the internet trying to cause me more trouble. Also, I apologized for the puppy comment. That was a low blow. Funny that she mentioned it though. Gold star.


Will keep you updated.




Ciao Bella!


Matteo "Puppy 'poligizer" Yazge

Wireless Diavolo

This company is Satan... just look at the red.

SO! I was in the airport on my way home from Paris last weekend, and miraculously there was an wireless channel that was open. It didn't require a password or anything. Go figure. So I was like "dude, I'm totally using this". Mala idea.

This morning I opened my e-mail to find one from boingo, an evil, conniving company that probably kicks puppies. PUPPIES! I got charged $20 for less than an hour's worth of wireless! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? I'm seeing red right now. I'm debating whether or not I should call and complain. I'm sure they're going to fall back on some fine print nonsense. I used their service, as in actually signed up for and paid for and hour's worth of service when I was in JFK. They told me how much it was going to be, and showed me the bill before I clicked the "I agree" button. But there was nothing like that on my screen. I doubt they'll agree to give me any money back... Bastards.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Wire- (and $20)-less" Yazge

Avviciniamo la fine

Thessaloniki gave a whole new meaning to the word "portly"

So close to the end of the semester. I'm only in Italy for another 10 days, and I'm trying to find the right way to describe the cocktail of emotions that I'm feeling right now. I'm pretty sure it's a vodka-Red Bull. The vodka, clearly European, is making me sleepy. I'm trying to make it to the end of semester and get everything done, get my A's, etc. But it also make me want to hang out. I know I'm going to miss Europe a lot. Firenze and Italy as well, but moreso the general idea of Europe. There's still so much I haven't seen. I was going to go to Rome this weekend, but after looking at my credit card statement this morning, I've decided that maybe a relaxing final weekend in Florence might be a better idea. I never made it to Spain. I won't even fly through Germany, nor did I get anywhere near Scandinavia. Even after going to Paris twice in the course of a month, I feel like I've only just begun to see it, let alone the rest of France.

But then the Red Bull kicks in. I'm really really REALLY ready to get back to the family, and to a full-sized bed, and the convenience of life in America. Oh, and functioning plumbing. I didn't share this earlier, but on Thanksgiving night the city of Florence shut off the water. For the ENTIRE CITY. They said there was something that needed fixing and that it was midnight so that seemed like a good time. Then yesterday I get a call from Jamie while I'm at work that our bathroom had flooded. Our ceiling was leaking. I'd like to take a moment to point out that we live on the third floor of a five floor building, and our bathroom has no external walls... so despite what the Italian plumber may have told us, it was not due to the torrential rain outside. If it was, the Italians need to learn a thing or two about masonry.

Posting will most likely be sporadic for the next week or so. It's finals time, and I'm lucky to even be awake right now. Those of you who are used to talking to me on a daily basis know that I disappear during midterms and finals. But while I'm gone, I'll give you a topic: What should my blog focus on when I get back to the States?

Discuss.


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Vodka-Red Bull" Yazge

La Grecia

Is it any less pathetic if it's in Greek???

Yes. That's right. I went all the way to Thessaloniki, Greece just so I could see New Moon. Not really. But we did see it. It's way better when there's a theater full of Greek teenagers to react to. They giggle and scream and squeal and clap like they're on uppers. It was such an experience that I wrote a sound poem about it on the flight back. A flight, by the way, that almost came plummeting out of the sky. The guy in front of us was deranged and kept banging his head against the window and putting his hand up as if he was going to pull the emergency hatch open. Legit crazy.

But without further ado, my Grecian Poem:

Dinner and a Movie

by the Ugly American

Rosé. Rosie. Roses.

All of the above.

Restaurant recommends rare recipe.

Steamin' stuffed squid.

Bottle bare before bill.

Stroll shore to see a show.

Gaggles of giggling girlies gone gaga.

Gawd...

Try to tolerate tween Twilight twitterings

Wine weacts wiff wafter.

Oops! Ouzo overboard!*

Why would yoooo watch whatever welse?

Greek gastronomy gleefully agrees!

My meatless mousaka moved me!

Vegan vamps vin!

*Should've shared shots shtory shwen we shleft the shore. Sho shorry.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Il Vampiro" Yazge

Venezia

Venice the Menace: gondolas; me and my wifey Hannah; the entrance to La Fenice and a picture inside... where no pictures are allowed; San Marco exterior and icons of Sts. Matthew and Mark.

So almost a week later, I'm finally getting around to talk about it. Venice was wonderful. I can't believe I wasn't going to go... it was the perfect day. We started off just wandering around, got coffee, and the most amazing pastries. I don't know why the rest of Italy's been holding out on us, but Venice certainly didn't. Think of a cinnamon bun, but flakey instead of gooey, and then squish it, fill it with chocolate and top it with powdered sugar and chocolate chips. Fantastic.

Eventually we found our way to San Marco, the local Basilica. The majority of the artwork is Byzantine, and mysteriously found it's way to Venice. That's the nice way of putting it. The other way, is to say that it was savagely pillaged from an Orthodox church in Constantinople by the heinous crusaders. I was really excited to see the icons of Sts. Matthew and Mark next to each other. It both warmed my heart and made me miss my brother.

After San Marco, we made it to Il Teatro La Fenice, the Venetian opera house. Some crazy person burnt it down in 1999, so they had to rebuild it. The nice thing is that they got to restore everything to the condition when it the theater was first built! Plus electricity! You weren't supposed to take pictures, but since when have signs and people in ill-fitting vests ever stopped me? Never. That's when. Also, the whole rebuilding of La Fenice was such a big deal that last week it was referenced in a mock funeral for the city of Venice. Apparently the locals are leaving in droves (only 60,000 people live in the city proper). So they gave the city a funeral. And then set the casket on fire...? Inside was a flag with a phoenix on it. Symbolism. Performance art mingled with political protest. Lame and confusing? You decide.

Before I go, I'd like to let you know that I have some really good stuff planned for you while I'm gone. Now that I'm starting to take advantage of all the little tools embedded in my blog, you get posts even when I'm without internet access for the weekend! I promise to figure out other cool stuff too. But let's be real: it took me over 5 months just to figure out delayed posting. Don't expect too much more by next week.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Thessaloniki-bound" Yazge

La fine della Londra

Last bits of London: The National Theater; Liz Me and Big Ben; a church and cool statue; me being "The South Bank Lion"

I'm not really sure what much I have left to say about London, but I still had some fun pictures that I felt I needed to share. As soon as Facebook is done being stupid, I'll upload all the rest of my pictures there so you can peruse at your own leisure.

The only thing I feel I still need to talk about is the play I went to see one night at the National Theater. It was called "Mother Courage", the most recent incarnation of the Brecht play. It was really good, and the cast included the woman who played Aunt Petunia in the Harry Potter movies (she was Mother Courage) and the guy who plays Dudley (who was her son again in the play!) It was really good, and even though the play is set during the Wars of Religion between Poland and Sweeden, there were a lot of really cool anachronisms that made it more relevant (and probably alluding to the war in Iraq). It's all about a woman, Mother Courage, who is torn between her love for her children and her love for making money off of war profiteering. The latter wins out.

But enough about London. I went to Modena today with a trip arranged through NYU. We got to have a real Balsamic Vinegar tasting, because apparently the stuff they sell in the stores is just a crappy reduction of the real thing. The stuff we saw today was over a hundred years old, and is passed down through families. They have a system of making it in barrels in their attic, and it takes 12 years from start to finish to make a decent batch. It's a lot thicker and has a MUCH stronger taste. You use drops, and sparingly too. This all happened at the house of an 83-year-old woman. She was spry and hilarious, and loved talking to us in Italian. She didn't speak a word of English. I really wanted to buy some to bring back to the family, but it's $60 for about 12 ounces. Sorry folks, but we'll make due with the store bought kind. Or start fermenting it in the basement. Your choice!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Balsamafied" Yazge

Il Cibo Inglese

Food (from top, down): sign for "Eat" restaurant... they know what they're talking about; my fish and chips; I LOVE ICE CREAM! ; lots of mushrooms; this weird vegetable that is really cool, but I don't know what it is.

I don't know why people think England has horrible food. I liked it. I could eat fish and chips every day of the week. It's fantastic. And jams and clotted creme? I know I already talked about that, but it's worth repeating. I found a recipe for clotted creme, and I'm definitely going to try it when I get home.

Oh, and Ice Cream Truck ice cream? It's custardy. Thick. Heaven. And when you get it in a chocolate covered cone, you've officially made the best decision of your life. Hands down. Just look at my face. It's as if I'm 10 years old again. Probably why I was a very large child...

Also, the markets (for the most part) are awesome. There's a billion different types of vegetables, so many that I didn't even know what some of them are. Like the weird spirally green thing above? BUT! Be forewarned! You will get robbed blind. Literally. Someone stole my Flip video camera while I was buying salmon. I knew I smelled something fishy... Yup. I went there. But the joke is on the idiot that thought he was getting a fully functioning camera. The battery on that camera was crap. So there!

As a result of losing that camera, I've lost all video footage of Paris and most of London. I took some more on my normal camera, but it's not the same. I'll still work on piecing something together, but it's not going to be Wafflefest quality. Sorry! Oh, and I'm shaving tomorrow morning. I still feel like I have one more London post in me, but I don't have it in me to keep this much scruff.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Soon-to-be-Scruff-Shavin'" Yazge

La Torre di Londra

Lots of things at the Tower of London (from top down): White Tower, Tower Bridge, awesome sign, contemporary guard, old-timey guard.

Oh the Tower of London. It's such a peaceful place... now. I got there right as the tower opened, and there weren't many people around. It was nice to walk around and learn about torture and executions, and top it all off with a nice treacle tart.

I would have taken pictures of the Crown Jewels, but they wouldn't let me. Sad day. I don't understand why not. It's not like I'm going to go home and use my own world's largest diamond to make an even better one... although, you know, I just might. To prove how stupid it is that you can't take pictures. I also wasn't allowed to take pictures in the White Tower (which is the building that you think of when you hear "The Tower of London", the tower 'proper'). That was almost more upsetting. There was an exhibit on called "Henry VIII: Dressed to Kill". Perfect name. I was never convinced that we ditched the wives because they didn't give him viable sons. I was convinced it was because he didn't find the right... *cough*man*cough*.... woman. Why else would he be dressed to kill? Because he's FAB-U-LOUUUS! But really the exhibit was all about his suits of armor, which was really cool. It was put together by the History Channel. Though I was upset to find that not a single actor from the Showtime series The Tudors were on display. Foul move.

My Breakfast

When I got tired of looking at things, I decided I was ready to start eating things. So convenient that they have a little cafe in the Tower. Where else would the prisoners have high tea? I tried my first treacle tart, which is now by far my favorite type of tart. I also got a scone with clotted cream and jam. You just have to. I'm pretty sure it's British Law. I didn't want to get thrown into the tower. It's fun for a while, but I'm pretty sure it'd get a bit gloomy after a while...

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Treacle Tart" Yazge