Awaken Your Tribal Spirit

Why was I only around for 2 years of the 80's? WHY!?

So it was a lazy night last night, and I decided to stay in and watch a movie. It was really difficult to find a movie that fit the funky mood I was in. Eventually I settled on a gem called "The Hangover." (Oddly appropriate considering my Friday night activities.) That movie will never stop being funny to me, mainly because I see a lot of me and my friends in it. And it appeals to my inner tribal-being. His name is Sasquatch Minnetonka. That loosely translates to hairy, big-footed, culturally-unlearned one. He tall. He strong. He look like always wear sweater. He dance long time to Iko Iko.

I also took plenty of notes, so that my Sasquatch "family" and I will know what to do on our epic post-graduation trip to Vegas. So far I've added the following things to our to-do list:

1. Rooftop toast
2. Trip to emergency room
3. Marry a stripper
4. Steal a tiger from a former heavy-weight boxing champion
5. Kidnap an Asian mobster
6. Leave one of our friends (probably Eller) on the roof of a hotel for 24+ hours
7. Win $80,000 at a blackjack table
8. Go home with an epic story we only half-remember

So thanks to my rediscovered love for all things tribal/Vegas-adjacent, I've dedicated this week to building a deeper connection to my inner Sasquatch. Yesterday it started with watching "The Hangover", which is where I was reminded how much I love the song "Iko Iko". That video wasn't totally non-sequitur. But did you see the awesome wardrobe up in that piece? Ugh... If only I would have been older in the 80's. I TOTALLY would have rocked that look/learned those crazy dance moves. Some people have all the luck...

Ciao Bella!

-Matteo 

Dans la Défense de la Reine

Love her.

I think of myself as a fairly intelligent person, capable of deciphering between fact and fiction. However, when it comes to movies, I prefer to imagine that everything presented to me is 100% solid fact. My interaction with Sophia Copolla's Marie Antoinette last night is a perfect example. For instance, I think that it's probably very likely that the real Queen of France listened to the lovable hipsters, MGMT. That just makes sense to me. Or that she thought that everything in Versailles was ridiculous. Because, honestly, if the sense of decorum/protocol was anything like the way it was represented in the movie, it was beyond ridiculous. Who really needs a crowded room full of people to help you change out of your nightie? Well, probably Anna Nicole Smith, may she rest in peace.

Here's another thing: Marie got a bad wrap. I really felt for her. It would SUCK to get yanked from not just your home, but your home country, and married off to a social moron at the age of 17. AND she had to leave her puppy behind. The world is a cruel, cruel place. Not only that, he lame-o husband didn't even want to sleep with her. I'm sorry, but when Kirsten Dunst is in the bed next to you, you step up and do your husbandly duties. It's just that simple. Also, I would have much preferred they not behead her. That was just a poor choice on their part.

After watching the movie, I'm now in a huge Paris mood. Edith Piaf is playing on my iPod, and I'm off in search of a baguette and brie. Wish me luck mes amis!

Au revoir!

Mathieu "Mon Dieu!" Yazge

6 Impossible Things Before Breakfast

Care for a piping hot cup o' crazy?

Last night, instead of studying for my midterm, I went to see Alice in Wonderland with my friend Kaitlyn who was in town visiting. When you break it down, I think I learned far more from this movie than I would have by sitting hunched over a book, cramming. Perhaps the most important lesson I learned was a daily routine that I plan on implementing immediately. It comes up several times in the movie, but my favorite instance was when Alice turns to the Mad Hatter and says "I think of six impossible things before breakfast." To which he replies, "that's a very good practice."

SO! Here are my six impossible things before breakfast for today:

1. I will adopt a family full of llamas, and we will live in our own little llama world.

2. I will own beachfront property somewhere (inhabitable) in California.

3. Peyton Manning will be my best friend, and also cover my bar tab.

4. I'm finally going to get my act together and start submitting my work for publication. This will no doubt be a small first step towards building a media empire, and eventually total world domination. This will be bigger than Oprah.

5. Julia Child will visit me every night just before I go to bed. Not in a weird zombie way, but in a "Ghost of Quirky Chefs Past" way.

6. I'll go to Singapore tomorrow... Oh look! That one came true!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Mad as a Hatter" Yazge

Los Oscars

So, instead of live-blogging the Oscars, I've decided to NOT live-blog the Oscars. Great plan, no? I thought so. Surprisingly, there's nothing to make fun of. Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin had it covered. Instead I'd like to talk about someone that was not adequately made fun of...

MILEY CYRUS! 

She's kinda messed up. And on a stripper pole. Put it away Miley. No one wants to see it. Especially the girl in the background. You can't sing, you can't act, which is exactly why they cast you for that new Nicholas Sparks movie. Because the wanted an equally as horrible celebrity to go with the atrocious story line. I couldn't find anything from these Oscars yet, but here's one from last year, where she lived up to the nickname I gave her: shovel-face.

What has young Hollywood come to?

And as much as I think the Twilight series is absolutely ridiculous, albeit a wonderful guilty please, at least their actors/actresses have faces you can take in public. They can also dress themselves. More than I can say for Madame Shovel-Face, who decided to wear a training bra and a hula skirt that she ducktaped together. Please, don't look at her too long. You may go blind.

Look at this instead:

Catherine Deneuve: what all young actresses should aspire to.

Ciao Bella! (or not so bella, in the event that you're Miley Cyrus)

Matteo "No Shovel to the Face" Yazge

And The Award Goes To...

The real Joan, or the wax museum replica? Does it make a difference?

The Oscars are upon us. My plan is to blog through them, not missing a single moment of sheer ridiculousness. Until that point, you can read this New York Times article about Joan, our favorite multiple head transplant survivor. I guess I should probably leave you with my (wishful) predictions:

Best Film: Avatar? But I really liked An Education...

Best Director: The Director Formerly Known As Mrs. Cameron... yeah, his ex-wife directed The Hurt Locker.

Best Actor: Colin Firth (A Single Man)

Best Actress: Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side)

Best Supporting Actor: Morgan Freeman (Invictus)

Best Supporting Actress: Monique (Precious)

Best Score: Up!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Oscarready" Yazge

Lots of Crazy, Not so much Heart

Now Presenting: THE WRESTLER... wait, I mean CRAZY HEART!

So I wasn't really crazy about the Crazy Heart. Was it a solid movie? Yes. Had I seen it before in a million other incarnations? Yes. Essentially they took The Wrestler, that awful Mickey Rourke movie, and instead cast Jeff Bridges as a washed up singer/song writer as opposed to a washed up wrestler. I think next year they're going to get Jon Voight to play a washed up Nascar racer and call it Crazy Car. And you know who will play his romantic opposite? A hooker with a heart of gold: Kirsty Alley.

I just don't know how many times you can watch the same redemption story, especially when they start including scenes of him vomiting and having sex with Maggie Gyllenhaal. No one wants to see that. Ever. It was almost too painful to watch. By the end he had his act together, as all good post-rehab characters must, but I was done caring. Let's just say I'm glad I saw this movie on someone else's tab.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Crazy Writer" Yazge

The Native Tourist

So stressed out I can't even handle it. Sorry I didn't write this weekend, but here's what was keeping me busy. I gave all the items awards. I'll come back to some of them later this week. It was great feeling like a tourist again, getting to do all the fun stuff with some good friends. Thanks Jac and Kat for a great time!

Best Jogging by a Pundit in a Park: James Carville

 

Worst Parent/Child Combo: Dylan's Candy Bar

 

Best Thing Ever in the History of Everything/Best Celebrity Appearance in My Life This Weekend: Miss Kathy Griffin

Best Movie I've Seen for the Second Time: A Single Man

Best Belgian Fries: Pommes Frites

Best Latenight Dessert Fix: Veniero's

Best Housewares from Houseguests: Crate & Barrel

Best Housewares from Myself: Fishs Eddy

Best Bourbon in my Manhattans: Maker's Mark

(Kentuckians really do make the best Manhattans)

Ciao Bella

-Matteo "Weekended-out" Yazge

Isn't that just precious?

Would have liked it more if it weren't so heartbreaking.

Talk about a serious movie. There were so many depressing themes in this movie, it made my head spin. It's hard to believe that things like this actually happen to people. At some point in the movie you begin to ask why you haven't done anything to help someone in that situation. This poor girl saw more in 16 years than most see in their entire life: sexual assault, two teen pregnancies, poverty, hunger, illiteracy, physical abuse, HIV. The list goes on.

While the story was moving, the execution of the film was a little rocky. There were dream sequences that didn't really fit with the overall timber of the movie, and I'm not sure how I feel about the message with which it leaves the viewer. While I don't have any answers on how to handle teen pregnancy, I don't know that I can 100% support a 16-year-old raising two children on her own (one with Down Syndrome) while living off of welfare. Yes, I understand the very emotional nature of the decision, and how she thought she needed to be a better mother than her own, but being a good parent also entails realizing when you can't provide for your children and figuring out how to remedy that. Sometimes that remedy is adoption. Needless to say we had a in depth discussion about all this over dinner after the movie!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Prayin' for Precious" Yazge

Why is everyone obsessed with older men?!

Very different movies... that were almost the same.

When Hollywood finds a theme it likes, it doesn't tend to stray too far away from it. Apparently this year is all about the shattered romance, especially that with an older man. Oh, and great soundtracks. They love great soundtracks.

Yesterday I saw An Education and A Single Man. Both were really good, and there were a lot of common threads. Both main characters are searching for purpose, oddly enough both are British, and both are/were in relationships that had a 10 year+ age difference. And even though one is a school girl and the other is a grieving, suicidal professor in his 50's, I couldn't help but feel that the two would have a lot to talk about if they ever met.

As far as direction and the movies themselves, they were very well done. I think it may be because I'm huge into the 50's/60's era, but I'm was a huge fan of the setting/music/aesthetic. The costuming was great, but again I would be fine wearing postwar attire. Skinny ties and huge Raybans just seem to fit me so well. The cinematography was great, moreso in A Single Man though. They did a lot with color, which was fascinating. Beautifully done.

Last but not least, I would like to note that Colin Firth's student in A Single Man is played by the guy that was the awkward kid in About A Boy. He's all grown up now and hitting on his professors. See what you can aspire to kids?

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "A single man getting an education" Yazge

The way to my heart

I don't want to leave the cheeeese!

I find it ironic and fitting that Valentine's Day and the beginning of Lent fall on the same day. There's something very poetic about a season that centers around abstention being kicked of by a day that most people construe as being all about sex. Lucky for me, abstention isn't a huge problem for those who don't participate to begin with. It is a problem, however, when we get to the more serious things: cheese.

Right now I'm scarfing down cheesecake for lunch. Since I'm forgoing cheese and desserts this Lent, I figure it's a double whammy on the last day I'm allowed to eat any of these things. Dinner is going to be SMAC (Sarita's Mac and Cheese). I'm going whole hog, and eating like one too. 

To make matters worse, I'm going to not one, but TWO movies today: An Education and A Single Man. Both are really depressing movies. So, I'm pretty excited about that on Valentine's Day. You think I'd want to see a happy movie, but that just reminds me how not happy my own dating life is. I'd much rather see other dysfunctional relationships that make me feel better about myself. I'm going to see both movies with my local Valentine, Helen. But I also have an out of town Valentine, Lauren (left; she's sad because I can't be with her, hence her turning to the statue for support). You know, it's not Lent just yet. I'm still allowed to have multiple partners. 

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Different Area Codes" Yazge

Non è simplice...

I'd explain, but it's complicated...

So on my way home from church today, I get a call from my dad saying that he's at the gas station down the street, where my aunt and grandmother were in a stalled car. They were supposed to leave today, but apparently their car thought otherwise. On the bright side it meant more time with both of them and a trip to the movies.

We decided to go see It's Complicated. First off, Meryl is amazing. No wonder this role got a Golden Globe nomination. She is one of the most versatile actors I can think of. Not only can she play any role, but she can run the whole gamut of emotions in a single role. In It's Complicated she plays the mom, the old divorcee, stoned, a dating woman, all of it. I'm pretty convinced they actually smoked weed for the shoot, because she was way too hilarious to have been sober.   All in all it was a great story, mainly about how complicated love is... hence the title. I really appreciated that at no point during the movie did it turn trite or cliché.

Finally, a huge nod to John Krasinski, who played the son-in-law. He was really funny without being Jim from The Office. It's nice to see that he (and the rest of the cast) could keep up with the Streep!


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Complicated" Yazge

Più Cinema, Per Sempre

Ooooh... blue.

I'm a sucker for shiny things and bright colors. So you can guess how much I enjoyed Avatar. The graphics were beyond stunning, and as soon as I got over being ill from the 3D glasses, I felt like I was in the movie. The world they constructed was phenomenally gorgeous, and the story gave off such a Mother-Earth-tree-hugger vibe that I wanted to go live in the Amazon.

However, there were a few flaws. I understood the whole parallel to US military involvement around the world, but they took it a bit far at times. One of the characters even says things like "shock and awe" or "fight terror with terror". Don't get me wrong; I sympathize with the overall message: don't rape and pillage native peoples for energy and stuff. But it got a tad Glenn Beck at times. Granted he would have been arguing that the humans should have been killing every tree-hugger in sight, but that's beside the point. Like Glenn Beck, the movie had moments where you didn't care what the message was because the delivery is so distasteful that you just wanted to turn it off.

Which brings me to the gym. While I still had a throbbing headache after the movie, I'm pretty sure that Glenn Beck being on the TV while I was on the treadmill only made things worse. I couldn't move without feeling like my head was going to explode. My cure? Tea, pad thai, and National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Tree-hugging" Yazge

Uno scherzo con Nuova Luna

Disgracing Vampires everywhere...

So on behalf of Transylvanians everywhere, I'd like to call out the Twilight series. That's not how we do it. We don't suck the blood out of people. We may slowly kill our family members with intolerably boring stories or peculiarly horrible guilt trips, but never once do we pierce the skin. We leave that to the Hungarians.

Anyway, I was wandering around the Italian YouTube site, and I found this video. Even if you don't understand Italian, please watch it. It's hilarious. Huge spoof, great physical comedy.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Vampiro" Yazge

Nove

Awesomeness in movie form.

This film, based on the original Broadway musical, isn't slated to come out until late January... but that hasn't stopped me from watching the trailer 20 times over, hoping that the next it will be the actual movie. I'm not sure if it's my newly-developed affinity for Italy, or my overwhelming desire to take Dame Judy Dench out for a night on the town. Either way, I'm anxious for this movie to come out. Anyone want to go with?

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Cinema Italiano" Yazge

La Grecia

Is it any less pathetic if it's in Greek???

Yes. That's right. I went all the way to Thessaloniki, Greece just so I could see New Moon. Not really. But we did see it. It's way better when there's a theater full of Greek teenagers to react to. They giggle and scream and squeal and clap like they're on uppers. It was such an experience that I wrote a sound poem about it on the flight back. A flight, by the way, that almost came plummeting out of the sky. The guy in front of us was deranged and kept banging his head against the window and putting his hand up as if he was going to pull the emergency hatch open. Legit crazy.

But without further ado, my Grecian Poem:

Dinner and a Movie

by the Ugly American

Rosé. Rosie. Roses.

All of the above.

Restaurant recommends rare recipe.

Steamin' stuffed squid.

Bottle bare before bill.

Stroll shore to see a show.

Gaggles of giggling girlies gone gaga.

Gawd...

Try to tolerate tween Twilight twitterings

Wine weacts wiff wafter.

Oops! Ouzo overboard!*

Why would yoooo watch whatever welse?

Greek gastronomy gleefully agrees!

My meatless mousaka moved me!

Vegan vamps vin!

*Should've shared shots shtory shwen we shleft the shore. Sho shorry.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Il Vampiro" Yazge