Milwaukee Wisconsin and How Midwest Airlines Sucked at Life

You are here. Mainly because other people are incompetent.

Midwest Airlines needs a new operations manager, because they seriously SUCK at managing delayed flights. Right now I should be laughing about old times with a good friend on the way back from the Indianapolis airport. Instead, I'm in God-forsaken Milwaukee, Wisconsin in a dilapidated La Quinta Inn. And it's not even free! Yes, I understand that my flight was delayed because of weather. However, we weren't delayed so much that they couldn't hold my connecting flight for me. The plane would have been delayed by 15, 20 minutes tops. And now they're making me pay $50 to stay in this crap hotel. Oh, and I have to pay for the shuttle to the airport in the morning because my flight leaves before the "hotel" (I'm being gracious with my diction here) offers standard shuttles. As my ever classy grandmother sometimes says: I'm so mad I could shit a brick.

I need to go shower now. Being on a plane always makes me feel gross, and I have to be awake in less than 5 hours. Shoot me, shoot me now.


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Midwest Airline's customer service will have HELL to pay" Yazge

When a Boy loves a TV.

My metaphorically blown -up TV.

I never watched that much live television when I had TV this past semester, so I didn't realize how valuable a thing my TV was until I didn't have it. Absence makes the mushy-gray-matter grow fonder, stronger and less reliant on trashy reality shows, but still fonder. In the new apartment there's a lack of cable, mainly because we're too cheap to pay for it. But now I can't watch all my shows when they normally air. This wouldn't be a problem, but I have several friend who like to share all the best lines from the shows I watch before I actually have the opportunity to watch them. Not to name names, but the most notorious for this is a small blonde who may or may not be competing in Miss Indiana next month... Let's see how ruining plot lines meshes with the rest of your platform? I'm sure the judges will be very interested in what I have to say!

I wound up going to a friend's last night to watch Glee, which ended up being really fun. But I can't come break down her door every time the Jersey Housewives are on, though that would be a very Jersey Housewives thing to do. I'm currently investigating other options, which include swiping into an NYU dorm, cranking up the volume in a Best Buy, and installing an antennae into my skull. I'm not sure about the last one, but I figure it's worth a shot.


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "And it's been 7 days since my last at-home cable experience" Yazge

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

The rain, it is like cats and dogs...

First off, after searching Google images using the words "wet cat" give you the most horrifyingly ugly pictures ever. Felines were never intended to be wet. They look like oversized rats, ready to scratch your eyeballs out. 

But just like wet cat, I too am not amused. Last night, before it started raining, I heard the thunder, and wasn't sure if it was just thunder, or a building exploding somewhere. I know that that's how the terrorists win, but after that bomb scare this weekend, I'm a little on edge. I actually called my friend to make sure she thought it was thunder. Then I turned on CNN just to be sure.

Also, I'm not a huge fan of walking 20 blocks to work in this mess. It's torrentially downpouring. Again, not amused. There is one benefit though to such horrible weather: Dunkin Donuts was empty this morning, meaning I didn't have to wait in line to get my coffee and flatbread sandwich. Oh, silver linings.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Wet Cat" Yazge

My jet is lagging...

This just made sense...

So what else are you supposed to do when your body tells you it's 2 in the afternoon, when really it's 2 am? Bingo! Go out for a drink with some friends.

Here's what I don't understand: the entire time we were in Singapore, my body clock was fine. No jet lag. Not even a little bit of helicopter lag or cab lag. There was no lagging of any sort. But right now my body literally can't tell whether it should be sleeping, eating, sweating, spinning, you name it. Although can we discuss how nice it is to have a meal that isn't doused in some variety of fish sauce? Or deep fried with pork? I had a wonderful tofu salad last night for dinner, which all things considered was still very Asian. But the point is that it was something green. I was in Singapore so long I almost forgot what a vegetable was. Like, real vegetables. Not the type that have names that don't translate and are then used to make weird jello or dessert soups. Don't ask. Just understand that my stomach is now being able to digest things without the assistance of anti-nausea medication.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Not-so-Iron-Stomach" Yazge

The Singapore Sitch

I kinda looked like that lion/fish...

Have you missed me? Really? Good. Between midterms, packing, and cleaning my apartment at 3 in the morning there wasn’t exactly time to write a bunch of posts in advance. Let me give you a little snapshot of the past few days in Singapore:

Singapore = Jurassic Park

It’s true. The entire place is way too manicured, and the tropical plants and heat give it the feel that there’s a veloca raptor waiting for you around the corner. The industrial buildings and threat of caning doesn’t exactly help with anything.

The Caning Situation

I haven’t been caned… yet. I came awfully close. I got food poisoning from all the fish we ate at dinner the other night. Who thought it would be a good idea to cook jellyfish and serve it in a chili sauce? Not me. But I still ate it, because I thought I’d try to be worldly. Anyway, long story short I threw up in the bushes outside the company we were visiting yesterday. Yup, I’m a classy individual. I’m expecting calls from Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton any time now. I’m sure we can all be super glamorous outside the barfatoriums of the rich and famous..

More later. Right now we’re off to a Singaporean university. More econ and finance? God help me. Maybe I’ll just throw up.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo “Barfello” Yazge

The Greatest Form of Flattery...

YOU CAN'T COPY AN ORIGINAL!

OK, so let's just throw aside the fact that the whole premise of my blog is very loosely based around a pre-existing literary classic. Instead, I'd like to focus on how Comedy Central is already trying to loosely base a show off of my blog, which - while in my head I'm convinced is ground breaking and awardworthy - is not even a household name yet! Seriously? Ugly Americans? Total rip off. Let's look at the details a bit:

• The show focuses on a normal, well-balanced guy who has to deal with zombies and a girlfriend who literally comes from the 7th circle of hell. My blog is about me, a (sometimes) well-balanced guy who has to deal with all kinds of crazies/hellions.
• Ugly Americans is set in New York City. The Ugly American is written by me, and I live in New York City.
• The main character leads group therapy. I could probably use some group therapy.
• The main character has brown hair. I HAVE BROWN HAIR!

When will the content stealing end?! Shame, shame on you Comedy Central! The least you could do is pay me some royalties. Ugly American OUT!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "The (semi)Original Ugly American" Yazge

Glee's coming back... in over a month.

There are other things I could write about, but when there's new Glee, who wants to hear about anything else?

For starters, I'd just like to say that FOX is a sick network for repeatedly dangling something as amazing as Glee in front of our faces and then making us wait unnecessarily for months before we get to see full episodes. That being said, I can't wait. 

One thing I still can't figure out though, is how they managed to get the rights to a Beetles song. I thought that when Michael Jackson died, he had the rights to the music buried with him. Touche Mr. Jackson. You have thought of one more way to make a scene, even postmortem. I'm impressed. But your shenanigans are no match for Glee, some shovels, and a lot of illegal day-laborers who were willing to break all kinds of laws in the middle of the night to get us our Beetles music back. As a consolation, I will vouch for you and say that Glee should do an all-Michael tribute episode. They're already doing one for Madonna, and she's not nearly as dead as you are. Close, but not quite there.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Glee-ful" Yazge

Wireless Diavolo

This company is Satan... just look at the red.

SO! I was in the airport on my way home from Paris last weekend, and miraculously there was an wireless channel that was open. It didn't require a password or anything. Go figure. So I was like "dude, I'm totally using this". Mala idea.

This morning I opened my e-mail to find one from boingo, an evil, conniving company that probably kicks puppies. PUPPIES! I got charged $20 for less than an hour's worth of wireless! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? I'm seeing red right now. I'm debating whether or not I should call and complain. I'm sure they're going to fall back on some fine print nonsense. I used their service, as in actually signed up for and paid for and hour's worth of service when I was in JFK. They told me how much it was going to be, and showed me the bill before I clicked the "I agree" button. But there was nothing like that on my screen. I doubt they'll agree to give me any money back... Bastards.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Wire- (and $20)-less" Yazge