Indiana Bound!

Oh, the Hoosier state. 

Today I am headed back to the state of my birth, one of the finest of the Midwestern states, home to the meth-lab capital of the world: Indiana. I feel a swell of pride when I hear that name. That, and a slight dizzy feeling accompanied by a taste that can only be described as metallic yellow. I think most people know that sensation as nauseated apprehension.

I leave this evening to go back to watch my friend Taylor (see picture) compete in the Miss Indiana Beauty... oh, wait... "Scholarship" Competition. She will be quizzed on all things scholarly, academic, and ed-ju-mah-cational. I even believe there's a portion of the competition that involves a hybrid math test/lab experiment. They give all the contestants their multiplication tables and see how long it takes each contestant to pass out from frustration. Not my Taylor though! She's as smart as a whip! Sharp as a tack! Cuter than a baby's bottom! But seriously, I can't wait to get back and root her on. There are even t-shirts.

But just to prove that I too am up to snuff on my Indiana trivia (in the likely even that they ask me to be King of Indiana and reign alongside Taylor), I'd like to share some of the little known facts about our great state:

1. While most people know Michael Jackson was born here and went on to become the king of pop, not many realize that the other Jackson siblings - most notably LaToya - spent most of their childhoods plotting a way to expose Janet's scantily-clad breast on national television. And while it may have taken them a long time to achieve that goal, I don't think we can overlook such an accomplishment.
2. Indiana is called the "Crossroads of America". As such, it has become very clear that no one drives anymore...
3. Peru, Indiana was once known as the "Circus Capital of America". To honor this tradition, many Hoosiers feel the need to behave like circus freaks.
4. We're the home to two recent NCAA March Madness almost-winners, Butler and IU! Three cheers for almost being the best!
5. Amy Poehler's current show, Parks and Recreation is set in the fictional town of Pawnee, Indiana. It's doubtless that many Hoosiers are trying to figure out where exactly this city is. The search committee's last trip had 13 men, 2 dogs, and a circus clown from Peru stuck in the woods just outside Marion County for days...
6. The state flower is the Peony, the state bird is the Cardinal, and the state tree is the Tulip Tree. Even despite the fact that tulips can't grow on trees and that at least makes one of those things mildly interesting for 5 seconds, no one in Indiana cares.
7. Oh, and I almost forgot. We have the Colts. Totally makes up for the rest of the state, right?

See? I know things.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Hoosier-daddy?" Yazge