Grammys? Really?

The hottest mess this award season...

I don't even know where to begin. There was so much insanity and trashiness, my head is literally spinning. I'd love to talk about how Taylor Swift is tone deaf, or how embarrassing it must have been for Stevie Nicks to play backup tambourine for her. I could also gab on about how sad it was the Kathy Griffin didn't win for best spoken word album, but after tonight she'll have enough material to keep making CDs for years. Or I could even blabber about how ridiculous it is that CBS wants to have some online voting system for something no one cares about. We already have the People's Choice Awards. Let them give away awards that don't mean anything.

But the real meat of the evening came when they decided to honor Michael Jackson. First of all, who thought it was a good idea to have Celine, Usher, Carrie Underwood, Jennifer Hudson, and Smokey Robinson sing a Michael Jackson song? As my friend Zach put it, "There's 'No no no no way' J-Hud should be singing Michael." Furthermore, who thought - having decided on that cracked out ensemble - that putting it in 3D would make it even better? False. All false. But we got to watch Beyoncé ridiculously groovin' in her 3D glasses. I actually laughed out loud at that. Then, once the singing was over (thank God), THEY BRING OUT THE CHILDREN! What?! We weren't allowed to see them the entire time he was alive, but now that DVD sales need boosting, we're justing going to parade them around like a dog and pony show. And where was Blanket? Did he have to stay home? Or was he keeping Uncle Tito and Aunt Latoya company while they were filming the latest episode of that new reality show? Because we all know there was no way in hell the publicists were going to let any of Michael's siblings get within 5 miles of a live microphone. That family needs so much time in post-edit, I'm surprised that reality show isn't going to be aired years after it's first filmed. And what was with the cousins who just stood there looking stupid? Don't think we didn't notice that it looked like Michael wasn't the only one who had some work done. 

And before I go, someone should tell Andre Bucchelli that he should NEVER sing "Bridge Over Troubled Water." The operatic style doesn't led itself to soul music. It just sounds condescending. I'll donate money to Haiti if he promises to never sing that song again.

Ciao Bella

Matteo "Grammy Horrified" Yazge

Burst your Bublé

I aspire to this on a daily basis.

Michael Bublé is the man. It's just that simple. Can I tell you how many times I've entered the grocery store with the intention of causing a scored and choreographed riot? I start singing along to my iPod hoping that the person next to me will join in, the cashiers will start dancing on the conveyor belts, and the lobsters in the tank will magically start do-wopping in the background. Of course, none of that happens. I'm not Michael Bublé.

I had no idea until I was at the gym this morning that there was even a music video for this song. See? Exercise really is good for you. His new CD is great. I'd tell you more about it, but I'm waiting for my sister to send me the rest of it. File your complaints with her.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Wishes he were Michael Bublé" Yazge

The Haitian Haze

The only good Haiti graffic on Google images...

There are so many ways to help Haiti, that sometimes you wonder why we weren't helping the impoverished nation BEFORE the earthquake. That's actually part of the problem. It was such a poor country, that it's almost impossible to provide relief efforts because there's no infrastructure to get into the country. But putting all that aside, here's some of the more creative ways I've seen fundraising happening:

1. Eat Cookies for Haiti

Insomnia Cookies is wrapping up a promotion tonight. Half of the proceeds will go to the relief efforts. I'm ordering 50 cookies and giving them to the residents on my dorm floor. Helping people has never been so easy or delicious.

2. Drink for Haiti

Yup. Lots of places are hosting happy hours and other similar promotions to help Haiti. Also, if you're at NYU, there are several Hot Chocolate for Haiti drives going on. While student organizations are not allowed to donate to causes directly from their budgets, that doesn't stop them from buying packets of cocoa, and letting all of your money go to the relief effort!

3. Text

At least let your early onset carpal tunnel do someone some good. Text the word "Haiti" to 90999, then confirm through their follow-up text and donate $10 to the Red Cross.

Better yet, do all three!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Haitian Helpin" Yazge

Introducing: WINO WEDNESDAYS!

Oops! That cork comes out easier than you think!

That's right! I've been pondering over how to give The Ugly American a little more focus, and while I'm sure everyone loves hearing about the banalities of my personal life, I have decided to institute something a little more useful: Wino Wednesdays! Here's a little story about how Wino Wednesdays came to be:

Once upon a time, Matt went to Italy. But before he left, his aunt gave him a book on wine, specifically Wine for Dummies. Of course he took it with him, having every intention of availing himself to the rich abundance of Tuscan wine. And, of course, he never so much as opened the book the entire three and a half months he was in Italy. Matt, indeed, was a dummy.

Yesterday, however, Matt decided to stop by Union Square Wines for the 30% off sale. What he wasn't expecting was for the sale only to apply only to purchases of 12 bottles or more. So, being the naturally savvy businessman that he is, Matt bought an entire case of wine and decided to call it a "long term investment." He waddled his way home, content and proud of his sound moral judgement. But Matt also had some worries about this situation.

      "I can't be the only one to benefit from this good wine," he thought. "NAY! I shall share my experience (and select comments about/from Wine for Dummies) with the world. Together we shall all achieve a heightened appreciation for the grape, the magic of fermentation... and brotherhood!"

And thus, Wino Wednesdays was born.

So from here on out, every Wednesday will be dedicated to wine. I got a nice mix of reds, whites, national origin, etc. I'll tackle a bottle a week (and always in moderation I'd like to note). I'll read up on the type, the vineyard, possible food pairings, and any other fun stories that come along with it! It's my dedication to you, my few, my proud, my readers. Only the best wine. Never any hangovers. Well, that one's more for me...

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Wino" Yazge

P.S. - I promise to post these sooner in the day from here on out, but today Blogger was being stupid.

DC, Colts, and Short Stories

Proof we (and the two strangers in the background) were actually there.

DC was a good time. It took me a couple hours of texting to wake Lauren up. So much for an early morning out on the National Lawn. The only museum we ended up visiting was the Air and Space Museum. There was a lot of air, a lot of space, a lot of things that were exciting the first time I saw them. When I was 7. So that was a bit of a bust, but I'm really glad I got to spend time with Lauren.

On my way back today, I wore my Colts sweatshirt. Admittedly it was a risky decision. Luckily for me, there weren't any diehard Jets fans on the bus. Also luckily for me, the Colts won, and we're going to the Superbowl!  On top of that, this morning I was able to knock out a good portion of my short story that's due on Tuesday. So it's been a good weekend, and a REALLY good day! Now to plan the Superbowl party!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Psyched for the Superbowl" Yazge

On the Road Again

It's such a pretty building in which we accomplishing little to nothing as a nation.

This week has been a little hectic. So, I apologize for the lack of posts. In all reality it's you who should be consoling me. I can't believe I'm this busy, and it's only the first week of the semester. I'm just glad that there were no incidents during my first night on duty as an RA. For good measure, I told all my residents that under to circumstances were they allowed to shoot heroin into their eyeballs in the lobby. Not while I was on duty. But I digress.

Currently, I am in DC (in my cousin's kitchen, to be more specific). It wasn't the easiest of trips to get here though. When I stopped by my apartment after work I realized I had forgotten my cell phone back at the office. So, I only had thirty minutes to rush back to pick it up and make it to the Bolt Bus on time. And of course, because I'm a genius, I did it all while trying to carry a cup full of hot tea, which inevitably spilled all over my hand several times. I ended up catching a cab from the office over to Penn Station, and was literally banging on the door of the bus as it was pulling away. The driver gave me the most apathetic look I'd seen all day, and then kept driving. Lucky for me Bolt Bus has buses that run every 30 minutes, so I didn't have to wait that long.

Well, as much as I'd love to stick around and chat some more about different times I've lost my cell phone, I need to go get ready for the day. I'm meeting some friends this afternoon to run around DC. We're doing all the museums, monuments, etc. I'll let you know how it goes!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Barely Bolted" Yazge

AFC Championship!

We did this a lot...

One step closer to being Superbowl Champs! Thank you to Taylor, Kat, and of course my mother for texting me updates throughout the game. I was actually in the middle of a heated dodgeball game when my pocket started vibrating. I was very tempted to ask them to pause the dodgeball for a second so I could check my phone for the update. I don't think that would have gone too well. It most likely would have ended the way most of my elementary and middle school athletic experiences did: me getting pegged in the face.

I'm going down to DC this weekend to see some friends and family, but I will be back in time to watch Jets fans everywhere be disappointed. It shouldn't be anything new for them, because let's face it: they're not really even the New York Jets. They play in Jersey...

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Manning-Fanning" Yazge

COLTS!

Oh Peyton, you're so funny...

So the Colts game is tomorrow. I'm crossing my fingers and praying that we don't blow it like we've done in almost every other post-season. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll be able to actually watch the game. As a part of RA winter training, we have a "social night" for all the RAs on campus. It's a Winter Olympics theme. So I guess I'll play dodgeball for Peyton? I've yet to look for one of those text message services that texts you the score of the game and updates, etc. But if my wonderful readers (all six of you) wouldn't mind watching the game, rooting on the boys, and texting me with periodic updates, I'd be extremely grateful! And I'll even dedicate an entire post to the person with the best game updates! There may or may not be a haiku involved... but don't get too excited. I don't want to cause a riot over people wanting haikus in their honor. There's enough to go around. No need to get violent. Peyton wouldn't want that.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Manning-Fanning" Yazge

Ben & Jerry's, Self-Portraits, and Shakespearean Quotes

Where do the last two pieces go...?

My average evening usually involves a cup of tea, maybe some television, a shower, then a good book right before bed. You know, because I'm an 80-year-old man. I've had many decades to hone this fail-proof evening regimen. But last night I got a call from my friend Sascha, who told me about this bar called "Common Ground". It's a little neighborhood dive over on Avenue A, and on Wednesdays it hosts a Trivia Night. Now you know how I love me a good game of trivia. It feeds the competitive monster inside of me. So naturally I told Sascha that I would be there and that we would win. Or die trying.

I was expecting something along the lines of Jeopardy difficulty for these questions. Man was I wrong. There were six rounds of ten questions. We only stayed for four before giving up. Our categories that we valiantly attempted (and failed at) were Quotable Quotes (historically relevant quotes for which we had to guess the speaker), General Knowledge (which wasn't so general), Ben and Jerry's Flavors, and Self Portraits (we were given the portraits and had to name the artist). For the record, I did know some of the quotes. My love for books ensured I at least knew the ones from Oscar Wilde and Mark Twain. And the Ben and Jerry's thing? That was ridiculous. I didn't see the team that got 9 out of 10 correct, but if I had to guess, they were probably the ones sitting in the corner with a huge plate of hot wings and deep-fried cheese balls.

But fear not! I'm not intimidated. We're recruiting a team and going back! This is not over. Oh, no. It's just begun.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Trivially Untriumphant" Yazge

To Tweet, or not to Tweet? It's a horrible question...

Will you stop talking to me if I join Twitter?

Yup. I'm debating doing it. I know, I know. It sounds like a horrible idea. HOWEVER! I'm doing research at work on the benefits of social media, and I'm thinking maybe I should just start following people on Twitter to stay abreast of marketing trends. Is that so bad?

Well, part of me thinks yes. I've avoided tweeting, chirping, and clucking this long, so why cave in now? I've been perfectly happy without any bird-related noises in my life. Plus, what can you say in that few characters? It may be responsible for the dumbing down of our youth... that and that darned rap music.

This decision all comes down to standards, specifically which standard I value more: not stooping to the level of one of the most butchered forms of writing, or being open to new technology/ideas. Thoughts?

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Troubled and Tweetless" Yazge

And now for something completely different...

Getting my vaccination between the post-its and the condoms...

It's a new year, and it's time for something new. I'm going to start putting my blog titles in English. I know, I know, it's a shocker. "But what will everyone think Matt," you ask, "they've all gotten used to not understanding your writing style and sense of humor. Putting your titles in another language just seemed to fit SO WELL!" While all of that may be true, it's been a month since I left Italy, and I should probably move on with my life.

As part of this great trudge forward, I decided it'd probably be a good idea to get vaccinated for something. I've already got Hepatitis and Polio covered; so, it just made sense to finally get the H1N1 vaccine. Now don't go getting yourself all worked up with that picture of me (above). I am quite a lot to handle at first glance (in that there's a lot to look at, especially in the gut area). I promise to get back on a treadmill as soon as I get back to New York, yet another part of progress.

But I'd like to take a minute to point out how hilarious CVS's little vaccination clinic is. First, I'd like to say that it's a great service that they're doing for the community. It's making it easier to get vaccinated for a potentially very serious disease. Is the community smart enough to take advantage of such an opportunity? That's a completely different story. As you can tell from the picture, it wasn't any luxury Dr.'s Office. The doctor brought out everything he needed on a TV tray, like the kind you use to eat a microwave diner in your living room. On the bright side, my seat was facing a collection of cheap scented candles and office supplies, which was perfect for back to school shopping. But the real cherry on top of the whole experience was finding out that the doctor/pharmacist just moved in down the street from us. I guess I know whose door to knock on when I'm out of Advil... or Valium. You know how I get very nervous. Very nervous, very often.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Shot in the Arm" Yazge