La mia gran gita a Philly

I'm expecting this trip to be as spreadably delicious as I've been promised.

I have to get my visa for Italy, and because my permanent address is in Pennsylvania and I'm not taking summer classes, this means a day trip (gita) to Philly. The consulate is only open 9am-Noon (talk about work ethic) so my bus leaves at 7:30 am. Grand. But I figured since I have to pay for a ticket to get down there, I might as well stick around a bit. For now the plan is to get my visa as soon as I get down there, and then meander around downtown. Perhaps I'll see the Liberty Bell, and various other bells sans crack. Someone told me there's supposed to be a great market... on Market Street. Imagine that.  There's also a huge strip of stores comparable to 5th Ave, so I may hit that up too. If all else fails I'll go read my book in a café somewhere. But I'm not going down there just to come right back. We're making a gita of it!

Guests are welcome. Let me know if you wanna go for the day!

Ciao Bella!

-Matteo "soon-to-be-Philly-fun-havin" Suave

P.S. - Maybe Philly has nuns. I hope they do. I also hope they do this for fun:

Sempre vengono en tre

It's been such a sad week. So many celebrities dying. New York weather not allowing me to see sunlight for weeks. Having to scour the internet for illegal streaming of HBO Original Series. How am I supposed to feel? What am I supposed to do?

Cupcakes.

Peanut butter icing may be the most brilliant invention ever. EVER. I think it's the perfect tribute to both Farrah and Michael. Oh, and Ed. Mr. Mcman. You'll be missed. But only until someone more famous dies. Farrah learned that lesson the hard way.

In other news, I bought 10 books today for less than $30. It was brilliant. Check out Barnes & Noble. They have a huge clearance sale going on. I really have nothing else to share. Maybe I'll tell you all about my yoga mishap tomorrow. Right now I need to finish this episode of Trueblood. More on that to come as well.

Ciao Bella!

-Matteo "cupcake-eatin'" Suave

Nuova Musica

NEW CD COMING IN AUGUST!

How excited are you? Are you really excited? You should be. I am. Whenever you've had 4 songs on Grey's Anatomy AND an Old Navy commercial, that's when you know you're important. So unless you have accomplished that, you should go buy all of Ingrid Michaelson's albums. Twice. That way you have a spare copy. You know, for when you're like, "hmmm... I wonder what I'd do if I had TWO copies of this CD." And then you would figure that out and let me know how it goes.

In other news, I think I may end up caving and get Twitter. I don't want to. I'm opposed to knowing every minute detail about every second about someone. I don't really even think I'd use it to post things. Just to follow things. Like Ingrid Michaelson, for example. She's a thing. She's a thing I enjoy very much.

Ciao Bella!

-Matteo "Tempted-to-tweet" Suave

Le Donne Pazze

Jer-sey [joi-zee] noun

1.  any of various close-fitting usually circular-knitted garments especially for the upper body

2. any of a breed of small short-horned predominantly yellowish brown or fawn dairy cattle noted for their rich milk

3. a land from which many crazy women hail

Seriously. I'd never seen this The Real Housewives of New Jersey until Marie introduced me to it. It's WAY off the deep end, but is perfect if you're in the mood for trashy television. If the accents and obscene displays of wealth don't do it for you, the fighting and table tossing will. Honestly, if you haven't seen the season finale, you have to stop reading right now and go watch it. Your life will never be the same.

In other news, I'm tired. Sorry!

Ciao Bella!

-Matteo "Housewife-watchin'" Suave

La signora divertente per presidente

Ms. Kathy

Today is all about Ms. Kathy. We love her. Why wouldn't we? She's won two Emmies, nominated for a Grammy, and now moving on to her Memoir in the fall. Insane. She's taking the world by force. Not only that, she's helping me in my effort to thwart Oprah. Yup, that's right. I said it. And I'm not going to take it back. Oprah? Going down. I'm overthrowing her empire and starting my own. It will not be nearly as crazy. And the only way you get your own spin off show is if you're a legitimate doctor. None of this "my name's Dr. Phil and I took a psychology class in high school... my actual degree is in landscaping." That doesn't pass in the real world. Also, I'll use my social capital to get someone even more awesome elected. Say, Anderson Cooper? That's my vote. If you can have a full head of white hair, I think you'd also be pretty good at running the country. Also, he fact checks.

In other news, thanks to Taylor sending me this video (which I'd already seen, by the by) I would like to publicly disown Paula Abdul as a Lebanese American. We don't want her. Any other ethnic group that wants her, you can have her. Too much proscription pill abuse... For your viewing pleasure, Kathy's interpretation of Paula.

Ciao Bella!

-Matteo "il presidente" Suave

Suono il pianoforte

I decided to go to Colony Music today to get sheet music. It was a huge toss up between John Mayer Continuum, India.Arie Testimony Vol. 1, or Adele 19. Clearly, thanks to the wonderful graphic to the left, you can see what my decision was. The best part? I can actually play stuff from it. I only thumbed through the book for about 30 minutes, so after some work it might actually sound good... or something. I'll let you know. If I get really good, I'll move on to one of the other books.

It's been a while since I've mentioned nuns. I feel that is necessary. Hopefully this should do nicely. Since today seems to be about the singing and the piano and such, this video seems only fitting. SALVE MARIA!

Ciao Bella!

-Matteo

In veri stati di vestire

Twelfth Night

So fingers crossed I'll be going to see the Public Theater's rendition of Twelfth Night tomorrow night in Central Park. You want to know who's in it? Of course you do. Anne Hathaway, Raúl Espranza, and Audra McDonald. That's amazing. And who doesn't love free Shakespeare? In Central Park? You know exactly who. Terrorists. And you don't want them to win, do you? So do your part in the war on terror, and start reading some Shakespeare. You'll probably be helping the war on drugs too. I'd say that's a fair assessment.

To... night

My heels have been feeling like they're exploding, which I've been told is because I'm using the same running shoes I've used since 8th grade. A friend recommended I go by Jackrabbit to try and find some running shoes, because they video record you running on a treadmill and then find you a shoe based on your running style/how your foot strikes the ground. But they weren't fitting anyone by the time I got there, so I went over to the Levi's store to get a nice pair of jeans for work. I found two pair at 50% off, and decided to try them on. Swear to you, as soon as my pants were around my knees, the dressing room door flew open. I'm pretty sure a good few people saw me in my boxer-briefs. I'm just glad I wore a nice pair today. Moral off the story: be certain of what you're getting yourself into when you see the phrase "half off".

Ciao Bella!

-Matteo "Half Off" Suave

Il Americano brutto

I'd like to point out that I have never read nor seen The Ugly American. So I can only make reference to it with the little cliff notes knowledge I have of it... The gist is that a lot of Americans abroad are loud, stupid, and rude. Or at least that's the perception. I can't say that I completely disagree. But the point of the story is that the actual character called "The Ugly American", is the only one who isn't a huge cantankerous moron. In the movie, he's played by Marlon Brando. Now, I'm not saying that Marlon Brando and I are even comparable... but if you'd like to, I'd believe you. I mean, draw all the comparisons you want. It's only fair. Eventually I'll read the book, and then we can all have a little book circle or something.... but probably not. I'm just being honest.

In other news, I've decided that it's MAGGEN MONDAY! Maggen being the nickname for one of my bestest friends, Maggie. Monday being the day of the week. It comes before Tuesday most weeks. For this week's Maggen Monday, I will dedicate the following carelessly-written poem to the Maggen and accompany it with a flattering picture.

She's looking right up at the sky,

though I'm not really sure why.

I do love the Maggen,

My tail I am waggin',

Maybe I'll go get some pie...

Now I'm off to eat. For real. But we don't have pie, so I'll have to think of something else.

Ciao Bella!

-Matteo

Uffa! Come è successo?

Today is dedicated to the Schaffer household, AKA - Taylor and Tammy. Coincidentally, it also includes some pretty crazy things that have happened recently, in politics and my life. Today is mostly about Tammy though, because if there's one thing I've learned, it's that you always choose Team Tammy. Always. Otherwise, this is what might happen:

Check out that devilish grin... she knows how to wield a sledge hammer.

When asked to comment, all we got was the following photo...

Though mad props to choosing such shiny sequined outfits. Tammy, there are so many reasons I'm glad you didn't become a nun. Here is a list of just few:

1. I'm sure the order would not permit you to smash cars with sledge hammers.
2. Your Waterford lamp recovery skills would not be put to nearly as much use.
3. There would be no Taylor, and then I probably never would have met you.
4. I would be out another person to share ridiculous stories with, including the following about the premier of Italy:
   
   

So apparently the New York State Senate and the entire country of Iran aren't the only political bodies in dire trouble (see links for NYTimes coverage). It appears that Italy's Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi, is in some trouble of his own. Apparently he's no stranger to breaking the law, having been charged of tax fraud, bribing judges, and other nonsense. He owns a large number of Italy's media outlets, and even passed a law granting himself immunity from prosecution. Great guy if you ask me. Mussolini would be proud.

But what's the latest? This 72-year-old head of state is "sharing his evenings with" an 18-year-old girl. Yes, that's right. EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD. Hugh Hefner would be proud. Berlusconi then went on TV and publicly asked for an apology from his wife for leaving him... Larry King would be proud. Personally, I think it's hilarious, and further confirms why Italy has no grasp of sexual harassment laws. Taylor tipped me off on John Stewart's segment about the whole Italian love fest. You really should watch it...

Click here for The Daily Show coverage of Signore Berlusconi's misdeeds.


Lastly, but certainly not least is my own misdeed for the day. If you aren't familiar with Amazon.com and its "one-click" purchase option, don't become familiar. It's dangerous. Today I wanted to download a CD and decided to use Amazon's "one-click". I didn't realize at the time that I was logged into Liz's account. She must have been the last to order something on my computer... SO! I would like to take a page out of Berlusconi's book and publicly ask Liz to apologize to me for such a heinous deed. I am also expecting her to pay me the $10 for the CD I ordered with her credit card. Don't ask how that should make sense, just do it. I'll be $10 the wealthier, and I'm pretty sure we'll all sleep better at night. Grazie.


Ciao Bella!

-Matteo

Prendo un caffè

I should have known better than to think that a coffee place called "Caffe Cafe" would have anything worth trying, especially when neither "e" has an accent above it -- (é or è). "Don't dirty your teeth," as my great grandmother used to say.

I was bored this afternoon, so I decided to go find a place to get coffee and read. I'm in the middle of Count of Monte Cristo. Loving it, but a little annoyed at how obvious it is that Dumas was paid per word. So I got to the counter and there was no menu to be found. All I wanted was an iced Americano, fairly simple. I could have gone behind the counter and made it myself. But instead of doing it the right way, the lady took some pitcher out of the fridge, poured it over ice, then asked if I want it sweetened. She took a bottle of clear liquid labeled "Splenda" and poured a disgusting amount in. Finally she told me, "that will be $5.25," and I choked on either the horrible flavor or the price gouging. I can't remember. It was probably both. But seriously!? I know how to make a bad cup of coffee. I could have done that at home for free. The most I've ever paid for an Americano was $3, and it didn't have any cancerous sweeteners either. But hey, I'd already ordered, and I didn't want the lady to have to pour my cup back in the pitcher... she worked so hard to make it after all. So I just sat down and started reading.

While I was trying to figure out how Edmond Dantés is going to learn from the crazy Italian where all the treasure is, some 12 year old kid comes running in and yells, "does anybody want a goldfish?" He started waving one of those little carnival bags at a group of kids, and I subsequently cut my losses and went back home to read. I decided to treat myself to two ice cream sandwiches as consolation for my failed attempt to get out of the house today. Although, let's be honest. I probably would have eaten them anyway.

The only way I'm going back to Caffe Cafe is if they have a miraculous nun-shaped pastry. See below...

Ciao Bella!

-Matteo

L'inizio

Yes. I caved. I've finally decided to blog. Like that's what the world needs now, another poorly authored piece of crap on the internet. But hey, if Stephenie Meyer can get a book deal, I should at least be allowed to start a travel blog.

In case there's anyone out there who still doesn't know, I'm going to Florence, Italy - or Firenze - for the fall semester. For the benefit of everyone stateside, I thought it would be a good idea to write about my experience abroad. That way you all know I'm not dead in a ditch somewhere, because odds are I wont be making too many phone calls to let you know I made it home OK. It's more likely that the Italian government will start enforcing sexual harassment laws. Just saying.

Most blogs have a thing. You know, like, recipe of the day, or interesting thought. Embarrassing picture. Something. I feel I should have one of those too. Let me know what you think it should be. Look at me, being all presumptuous. Like anyone is actually reading this. Oh, and don't think I don't realize that I'm not technically in Italy yet. I figured I might as well start now, that way I get in the habit.

Speaking of habits, I originally wanted to name this blog "Under the Tuscan Nun". My maternal unit frowned on that... imagine.

 (Love you madre!) So occasionally there will be a picture of a nun, or multiple nuns, being funny. Just to spite my mother. If that's the worst I do by my mother - which for the record, it is - I think we're all OK. So a quick thanks to everyone else who helped with brainstorming: Kat, Erin, Taylor, Liz, Lex, Sheila (Buon Compleanno!). I'll dedicate more time and space on here to each of you. I have all summer to burn before I have anything Italiany to talk about. Unless I go get gelato some day, which is entirely possible. And now I'm rambling...

Ciao Bella!

-Matteo