Basil Marceaux.com

God help Tennessee...

So there's this guy - Basil Marceaux - who's running for Governor of Tennessee. At first I thought it had to be a joke. There's no way that anyone actually thinks that this guy could be qualified to run an entire state. It's like that guy from American Idol a bunch of seasons back who sang She Bangs... we all knew the only reason he was on the TV was to make us laugh at how pathetic he was. But with Mr. Marceaux, we're all laughing at the fact that this is 100% serious. I really can't use any more words to describe it. Just watch the following videos and shudder in fear that this man may actually have a chance at getting elected...

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "dot-com" Yazge

BREAKING NEWS!

THIS JUST IN: Mr. Hot Stuff on the right just turned 22.

In what is being regaled as the event of the year, or at the very least the zenith of this week's activities, today is the official 22nd Birthday of one Mr. Matteo "Ugly American" Yazge. Rumors abound as to the exact specifics of the day's festivities. While we can't 100% confirm the truthfulness of these rumors, we can spread them like wildfire, because honestly as far as trustworthiness is concerned, rumors are good enough for us. Here are some of the things we've heard through the grapevine that could definitely maybe be a part of this blow-out celebration:

• Tigers
• Hula-hooping fire breathers
• An all-day open bar
• Drunk Tigers
• Celebrity appearances by Hollywood's most famous and beautiful: Jennifer Aniston, Zoe Saldana, Danny DeVito
• Danny DeVito does his famous Drunken Tiger trick
• Danny DeVito gets taken to the hospital for deep tiger-claw lacerations
• Lindsay Lohan makes an appearance at Danny DeVito's bedside, fresh from prison, on her way to rehab, in hopes of one last hit of prescription medication.

Like I said, all of this is alleged. While we can't confirm, we can hope for the best, both for Matthew's birthday and for Danny DeVito's recovery. Please contact the Ugly American as to where you can send birthday presents and get well cards/flowers. Well, really you could send flowers to both. Who doesn't love a nice birthday bouquet? 

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "22" Yazge

LXD

It's about time we discovered the super powers of dance.

With NBC's Heroes officially cancelled and my recently rediscovered appreciation for the art of the dance, I've been looking for a show that combines a character's need to save the world and his ability to shake what his momma gave him. Luckily, The Legion of Extraordinary Dancers (or simply LXD) came along. It's an exclusive web show from Jon Chu - the guy behind all the Step Up movies. LXD only shows on Hulu, and new episodes come out every Wednesday. They're only 10 minutes long tops, so you can catch up really quickly if you haven't been watching. The downside is that you'll want a lot more once you've watched all the episodes.

It may seem a little stupid at first, but once you actually see the dancing you'll be hooked. I've never seen dancing like this. In my favorite episode thus far, "Robot Love Story", the dancers have INSANE isolation. I've probably watched this episode at least 10 times in the past 3 days. Here, if you don't believe me, watch it for yourself:

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Extraordinary Dancer" Yazge

Guerrilla Ice Cream

No, no... guerrilla, not gorilla.

Yesterday Lauren and I ventured down to the Hester Street Fair and found what might be the best ice cream I've had all week, maybe even all month. It's called Guerrilla Ice Cream and they have some of the most genius flavors I've seen. I got the yogurt flavored sorbet topped with halvah and pomegranate molasses. Is your mouth watering yet? They also had Chai Masala topped with sliced almonds and candied fennel. The most visually impressive flavor was the dark chocolate/port wine flavor, which was then dressed up with cashews and bananas that they fosters-ized in front of you with a blow torch. 

If the flavors aren't enough to motivate you to go chase these guys down every weekend, then their philanthropy hook should - 100% of the profits go to helping marginalized communities around the globe. Each flavor of ice cream is named after political movements around the world. That's right. They're the ice cream men that care. I'm not 100% on how all the distributions of funds works, but I like to think that because I ordered their Lebanese flavor that somehow I was helping the people in the old country. 

Who wants to chase them down when I get back?

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Gorilla" Yazge

Jacques, mon ami

This man knows what he's doing.

My latest chocolate love is a variety of dark Mexican Oaxaca (pronounced wah-ha-kah). It's chocolate that's seasoned with chipotle flavors and cayenne pepper. Some people might think it sounds weird, but it adds a really clean, refreshing finish. It's not like you're sitting there begging for water because it's so spicy. Think of it as more of an afterthought than an overpowering flavor. Jacques Torres understands my love, and has addressed my love with his trademark flavor called "Wicked" - his take on Oaxaca. Even better, he took that flavor and made it into Ice Cream. So on our little adventure through three boroughs yesterday, Lauren and I stumbled upon the Jacques Torres location in DUMBO (the neighborhood in Brooklyn, not the elephant). It was instantly deemed necessary for me to eat something. We grabbed some Wicked ice cream and sat on the rocks over in the park, 10 feet from the water and watched the sun set over the Brooklyn bridge and New York skyline. This is one of the millions of reasons why I love New York.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Oaxaca" Yazge

Ciao for Now!

So there are two muffins in an oven. The first muffin says to the second muffin, "Man, it's really hot in here." The second muffin says, "OH MY GOD! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

These muffins sure were speaking to me. You know what they were saying? Eat me. Well, technically I had cupcakes, but one was carrot cake, so I feel that counts. I bought and used my first Groupon yesterday at a restaurant literally around the block from me called Ciao for Now. It's a great little cafe that has a lot of locally sourced ingredients with great organic/vegetarian options. I really wish I would have known that it was there 3 months ago, because I've been looking for a place with this vibe all summer.

Thanks to both Groupon and my mother, Lauren and I enjoyed a delicious dinner/dessert. I got the Asian chop salad, which was really filling without being too heavy. Sometimes if there's too much dressing or they use too much sesame oil you can feel a little gross after eating those types of salads. To drink we got their lemon ginger green tea, which was like a glass of sippable heaven. Again, they really know how to flavor things, because you weren't left with that sticky/congested feeling you can sometimes get with flavored and sweetened teas. It was enough flavor to enjoy, but no so much you couldn't finish the glass.

Long story short we loved the place (and the people that worked there) and we're going back tomorrow for brunch! Anyone want to join???


Ciao (for now) Bella!

Matteo "Talking Muffin" Yazge

In the news...

Ms. Campbell, when not assaulting the paparazzi, has the utmost respect for the law. 

It's a Thursday, and there's a lot happening in the world, which is convenient because there's not too much happening in my life. So instead of sharing one of my happy little misadventures, today I am going to share the happy little misadventures of other people. Here's the latest:

Naomi Campbell is the Law
Apparently she is a key witness in the war crimes trial against the former Liberian President today at The Hague. This story has everything you need to ensure great coverage: former president accused of involvement with blood diamonds, super model as a key witness, suspense and debate about the details surrounding the evening that is supposed to be key to the prosecution's evidence, and... The Hague. Who doesn't love a good time at the Hague? That's what I want to know. According to the New York Times article, Naomi Campbell is a "hostile witness" who was very uncooperative. To that I say you can't expect someone to look that good AND be cooperative. It's one or the other - though can I say she was having some issues with her hair at the court appearance today? I mean what do you expect a model to do when handed a bag full of blood diamonds as a gift? They should have thought of that before they subpoenaed her.

Prop 8 is Overturned

In a landmark case, the California Supreme Court overturned Proposition 8. While this is all very interesting in and of itself, the more fascinating aspect of the whole story is how Justice Vaughn R. Walker set the stage for what will most likely be a very interesting US Supreme Court case. Yesterday's NYTimes article discusses how half of the importance of the ruling is in Judge Walker's 138 page legal opinion. Apparently, the logic that he used to defend his ruling puts the Supreme Court in a tricky position if they want to uphold Prop 8. It all makes sense when you read the article, something about facts and due process and separating moral/religious opinions unless there's an additional secular purpose and/or benefit. The real point is that I'm having flashbacks to my business law class and how much I enjoyed the courts, jurisprudence, and a good round of legal intrigue. It's almost as exciting as when the major networks decided to move daytime soaps to primetime and give the shows names like "Grey's Anatomy" or "LOST".

The Post Office is a Hateful, Hateful Place

And now for some coverage that you CAN'T find in the New York Times: So I had to go to the Post Office today. I normally avoid it like the plague, because just like the plague it can cause rashes, fever, and in most cases, death. I had 199 envelopes that were unsealed, unstamped, and in need of sending. Now I'm fully aware that the post office is in possession of at least one (if not multiple) sealer and stamper machines - I'm sure there's a real name for this sort of technology, but all you need to know is there's a quick, pain-free way that they can seal thousands of envelopes and apply postage to them. However, because the post office inspires bubonic-like symptoms and severe depression and dymensia in all of it's employees, I had no such luck in enlisting the services of said machines. The very sad looking woman behind the metal bars at the window told me she could not help me. With anything. Ever. Or something to that effect...

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Breaking News" Yazge

So a shark walks into a park...

Don't be confused. This picture does includes neither a shark nor a park.

Lauren and I made crepes tonight. Why? Because we're going to celebrate Shark Week in the park tomorrow night. Well, it's really more that we're meeting Jamie for the movie their showing at Pier 54. It's Julie & Julia, so we thought it would be appropriate to bring a good supply of food with us. And maybe wine. We're not committing to a position right now. The confirmed menu includes an arugula/watermelon/feta salad, potato salad, quinoa, and crepes with a Nutella-like spread for dessert. I say "Nutella-like" because we went to Whole Foods today and they didn't have Nutella. The salesman said it was because there's some hydrogenated oil or something in it... we looked confused and disheartened, so he grabbed Lauren's hand, comforted her and said "But we do have several other hazelnut/chocolate spreads that - unlike Nutella - won't kill you." Who needs a doctor or therapist? Those Whole Foods employees are great!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Not going to die thanks to Whole Foods" Yazge

Shark Week!

Look at that smile... I bet he flosses.

Shark Week is upon us, ladies and gentlemen. And just like our fine, flippered friend, you should be smiling your pants off. I am only smiling my socks off at the moment, because I am currently without cable. When I realized that I would be missing The Discovery Channel's annual Shark Week, including such shows as Shark Attack Survival Guide, Shark Bite Beach, and Top Five Eaten Alive, I practically cried myself to sleep. Can't a guy just come home after a long day and watch a few hours of quality shark-themed television???

Then I realized that it's for the best that I'm not watching while I'm here in New York. Instead, I had my parents DVR the entire week's worth of shows in HD so I can watch them on the huge plasma screen when I go home next week! I see tens of hours on the couch eating ceviche, watching all kinds of Shark Week "reruns".

And now for a little audience participation: What's your favorite thing about shark week? What's your favorite kind of shark? Have you ever eaten shark? Has a shark ever eaten you? How did that make you feel? Discuss.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Shark-Attack" Yazge

Goodness, Gracious, Great Balls of Meat

My new gastronomic obsession...

Is there anything more primal, more manly, than giant balls of meat? And now there's a restaurant on the Lower East Side that sells only that: lots and lots of meatballs. Not only is their food amazing, but they're really good at naming things. The restaurant's name for instance - The Meatball Shop. No ambiguity there. Though they have a lot more than just your mother's meatballs. Take a look at the menu below:

You can get SO many things with your meatballs. Who doesn't love polenta, especially when it's freshly milled? And for all you brioche-heads out there, I personally think that's their best sandwich. I get my veggie meatballs on the brioche with pesto and some provolone. Delicious. And just when you think the fun is over, then there's dessert! They make their own ice cream sandwiches by hand. First you pick your cookie (or brownie) and then you pick you flavor of homemade ice cream. I got a brownie sandwich with mint ice cream. They even use real mint! You can see and taste the leaves in the ice cream. No artificial flavoring here!

The best part is how affordable the whole thing is. Now I just have to figure out how much I need to work out so that I can keep going back on a regular basis!


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Meat-balled" Yazge

Sasquatch Discovers Art

A canvas waiting to be color-penciled.

There comes a time in every little Sasquatch's life when hunting and gathering no longer brings fulfillment. It no longer matters how many deer he can kill or where he can find the best berries in all the land. No, he needs something more. Something, perhaps, that will allow him to express himself and fill that empty hole that no amount of raw meat can satiate. This one thing is coloring books.

When I was out wandering on Sunday with Jamie, we decided that coloring books were necessary. Surprisingly, Barnes & Noble didn't have that great of a selection. We couldn't find Disney characters, or Smurfs, not even Sesame Street. It was a bunch of random coloring books, most of which involved some type of math. Who wants that?! I did stumble across a gem though: The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carlisle. It was a copy of book, but none of the illustrations had been colored in. This was a chic coloring book. And you know, sometimes Sasquatch likes being chic. The best part is that I no longer have to compromise coloring and food, because now I'm coloring a book about food. That's really the best kind of coloring. I plan to work my way through the first two seasons of Mad Men while coloring my way through every last page. Don't ask me why, but the two just seem to be activities that should be done in tandem.


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "The Very Hungry" Yazge

Sasquatch Visits the Garden

The Brooklyn BEER Garden!

Sticking with our Tribal theme for the week, I thought it'd be good to get back to nature. And what better place to do that than a garden... full of beer. Do you see the trees in the picture? It's practically a forest in there. And don't forget that those benches used to be trees too. Just because they're dead trees, doesn't make them any less a part of nature.

So, tonight I'm headed to the Brooklyn Beer Garden. I've been there once before, to watch the US/England World Cup match. It's a pretty happenin' place, not to mention that it's in the middle of a very Eastern European part of Williamsburg. As if I needed any more of a blessing to go to the garden, there's a huge Orthodox church right down the street complete with onion domes. While my night is more likely to include onion rings, I still think that somewhere up there, my grandfathers are smiling down at me, proud that I'm connecting with my inner beer-drinking roots. I'll toast a pint of lager to you guys! Pofta Buna!!!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Garden Guy" Yazge

Awaken Your Tribal Spirit

Why was I only around for 2 years of the 80's? WHY!?

So it was a lazy night last night, and I decided to stay in and watch a movie. It was really difficult to find a movie that fit the funky mood I was in. Eventually I settled on a gem called "The Hangover." (Oddly appropriate considering my Friday night activities.) That movie will never stop being funny to me, mainly because I see a lot of me and my friends in it. And it appeals to my inner tribal-being. His name is Sasquatch Minnetonka. That loosely translates to hairy, big-footed, culturally-unlearned one. He tall. He strong. He look like always wear sweater. He dance long time to Iko Iko.

I also took plenty of notes, so that my Sasquatch "family" and I will know what to do on our epic post-graduation trip to Vegas. So far I've added the following things to our to-do list:

1. Rooftop toast
2. Trip to emergency room
3. Marry a stripper
4. Steal a tiger from a former heavy-weight boxing champion
5. Kidnap an Asian mobster
6. Leave one of our friends (probably Eller) on the roof of a hotel for 24+ hours
7. Win $80,000 at a blackjack table
8. Go home with an epic story we only half-remember

So thanks to my rediscovered love for all things tribal/Vegas-adjacent, I've dedicated this week to building a deeper connection to my inner Sasquatch. Yesterday it started with watching "The Hangover", which is where I was reminded how much I love the song "Iko Iko". That video wasn't totally non-sequitur. But did you see the awesome wardrobe up in that piece? Ugh... If only I would have been older in the 80's. I TOTALLY would have rocked that look/learned those crazy dance moves. Some people have all the luck...

Ciao Bella!

-Matteo 

Things that are delicious...

It was love at first bite.

I haven't actually tried a bite of it yet, but I made flan last night. This is the same flan I mentioned a few days ago, the celebratory flan for Spain's win and my winning of the pool. I'm not going to lie; caramel makes me nervous. I've never seen it made, so I wasn't sure if it was going right? I kept adding more water, or more sugar, which I don't think you're supposed to do. With my luck, there is a huge layer of burnt sugar at the bottom of this pan. Whatever. While I promised the people at work a flan, I never said anything about it being edible.

Something that I made last night that I both tried and was fantastic was a shitake squid risotto. Three of my favorite things all wrapped into one. Well, more than three. Shitake mushrooms, squid, rice, Argentine wine, cheese, etc. Leftovers may be the best part of that experiment. Too bad I don't measure things or write down proportions. Odds are I'll never be able to replicate it. So for a limited time only, hunt me down at my office and you can try some. (While supplies last).

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Flanmeister" Yazge

Happy Bastille Day!!!

Celebrating the above-pictured delusional "battle", so that one day Paris could have the below-pictured beautiful monument and opera house.

HAPPY BASTILLE DAY EVERYONE! I woke up this morning, and didn't realize it was Bastille Day until I saw all the French majors' Facebook statuses. Leave it to me to forget a day that commemorates a bunch of drunken Frenchmen storming a prison in an attempt to free what they believed to be hundreds of political prisoners, only to find there were six petty thieves and a lot of empty cells. It's like I'm doing this every other week.

But I personally believe that Bastille Day is much more that celebrating a misguided sense of French nationalism and liberty. It's also about celebrating a misguided sense of all things French, much in the way St. Patrick's Day does the same thing for the Irish. It's about everyone coming together over a bottle of red wine, cracking open a baguette, sniffing some brie, smoking inside and then blowing it in someone's face. It's about sitting and drinking coffee in a smokey jazz bar, listening to covers of Edith Piaf. It's about sitting in judgement of other people, later asking those same people for help when you have an angry-looking Prusisan, Englishman, or German at your door. It's all of these things and so much more. I've highlighted some examples of what you should aim for on this very exciting Bastille Day:

Option 1: The Catherine Deneuve
This gorgeous French film actress who rose to fame in the 60's is still alive and kicking (and in my opinion, hotter than ever). Do you see how she is both smoking a cigarette with a sexy look AND making you feel like you're less than her? That takes skill, my friends. Go for this look if you are over the age of 45, enjoy trench coats, or want to have a longstanding career of sexually ambiguous character roles.

Option 2: Zinedine Zidane
Famed soccer player who literally went out with a bang four years ago at the World Cup Final when he head-butted an Italian player. He combines the right amount of athleticism, weird European man-fashion, and general confusion on how to properly engage in public/on international television. Go for this look if you are guy, a bald woman, or take pride in overshadowing all the good you've done in your career with one ill-timed decision.

Option 3: Pepe Le Pew
One of my personal favorites, the Looney Toons character with a little bit of stank on him. He dresses in all grey-tones,  is kind of greasy, and enjoys chasing after women-skunks and/or cats that don't really want him. He is for all intents and purposes, the perfect Frenchman. Go for this look... always.


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Frenchy" Yazge

Los Campeones

Look ma! No hands!

Spain winning the World Cup makes me happy for a lot of reasons. Reason 1: I just generally really want them to win. Who wouldn't? Reason 2: it means I won the pool at my office. Hello nice new $ in my pocket; it's so nice to finally meet you. I promise to take moderately good care of you before giving you away for something I like more.

Reason 3: this before and after picture set of Xavi Alonso. Getting karate kicked in the chest is just hunky dory when you get a World Cup victory afterwards.

Reason 4: it means that Paul the Octopus really does have super powers...

Reason 5: It means I can celebrate with flan. Lots and lots of flan. Look how happy Shakira is! It's because she loves the flan too...

I could write more, but I feel if I don't get dressed and ready for work soon, I may not ever make it there.  Hasta mañana (tal vez...)

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Wants to be friends with Paul the Octopus" Yazge

Vamos a la Final!

Pique's got that stupid grin because we're going to the final, duh!

I don't have much time to post today, but I did want to say: HAHA! SPAIN WON! Yes, what I wanted to say purposely included a large "haha" at the beginning. In order to pronounce it properly, think less of the noise you make when something's funny, and more a victorious exhale... With your fist raised in the air. Like a conquistador! Doesn't Pique look like a conquistador in that picture I posted above? No? Well, at the very least he looks like the troubled child the conquistador's took on the ship to mop the poop deck.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "El Conquistador" Yazge

The Truffle Shuffle

It has given me a riso to live... 

I have two words for you: truffle oil. Yesterday after work I met up with Jamie, my partner in crime from my time in Italy, and just life in general. We ended up going to Risotteria on Bleecker St. I had never been before, but I have a feeling I'll be back early and often. Why wouldn't you go back when you could get Porcini and White Truffle Oil Risotto? 

Now, I'm going to be honest. I did't entirely know what a truffle is. I knew that they use pigs to hunt them down in the woods, and according to someone on the Food Network, apparently they've started using dogs to hunt them too. Mainly because the pigs eat them once they find them. But who could blame a pig for doing that? I'd do it. Does that make me a pig? Don't answer that. So anyway, I did a quick wikipedia search on truffles and apparently they're a "fungal fruiting body." The accompanying photos didn't make truffles look particularly appetizing, so instead I've pictured toddler-sized mushrooms running running through the forrest with fruit growing off their bodies, trying to escape a herd of swine. 

If that visual wasn't enough to convince you should be eating things with truffle oil, try this video on for size. I'd do this if it meant I'd get truffle oil at every meal:

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Truffle Shuffle" Yazge

Gertrude Loves Katy

My latest guilty pleasure...

So I've decided that there's some sort of 13-year-old girl living inside of me that, when deprived of horrible pop music, gets very anxious and starts to act out. She throws tantrums, makes me go see Twilight movies with my sister, and on more than one occasion has made me consider what bangs would look like. I've named her Gertrude. The name seems to go with her less-than-desirable personality. So, Gertrude's latest act of rebellion has been Katy Perry's "Caliornia Girls". If you'd asked me a month ago if I liked this song, I would have thrown my drink in your face and challenged you to a duel to defend my honor as a man and an intellectual. Now, sadly, I would only start dancing up and down and ask if you had any candy. 

Enjoy the video. Please get addicted so I'm not the only one... Gertrude needs some friends. (She's not the best at making them on her own)

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Gertrude" Yazge

Drop Dead Gorgeous

This is kind of what it was like...

I'm way too upset to write about Italian soccer today... US soccer, that's another story. Who would have thought we would come out top of the group??? Anyway, because I'm still pissed at the Italians for not getting their act together, I've decided to share a little video clip that bares a striking resemblance to the first round of Miss Indiana competition last night. I love this movie. More commentary on Miss Indiana to follow in the coming days!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Drop Dead Soccer" Yazge

Milwaukee Wisconsin and How Midwest Airlines Sucked at Life

You are here. Mainly because other people are incompetent.

Midwest Airlines needs a new operations manager, because they seriously SUCK at managing delayed flights. Right now I should be laughing about old times with a good friend on the way back from the Indianapolis airport. Instead, I'm in God-forsaken Milwaukee, Wisconsin in a dilapidated La Quinta Inn. And it's not even free! Yes, I understand that my flight was delayed because of weather. However, we weren't delayed so much that they couldn't hold my connecting flight for me. The plane would have been delayed by 15, 20 minutes tops. And now they're making me pay $50 to stay in this crap hotel. Oh, and I have to pay for the shuttle to the airport in the morning because my flight leaves before the "hotel" (I'm being gracious with my diction here) offers standard shuttles. As my ever classy grandmother sometimes says: I'm so mad I could shit a brick.

I need to go shower now. Being on a plane always makes me feel gross, and I have to be awake in less than 5 hours. Shoot me, shoot me now.


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Midwest Airline's customer service will have HELL to pay" Yazge

Indiana Bound!

Oh, the Hoosier state. 

Today I am headed back to the state of my birth, one of the finest of the Midwestern states, home to the meth-lab capital of the world: Indiana. I feel a swell of pride when I hear that name. That, and a slight dizzy feeling accompanied by a taste that can only be described as metallic yellow. I think most people know that sensation as nauseated apprehension.

I leave this evening to go back to watch my friend Taylor (see picture) compete in the Miss Indiana Beauty... oh, wait... "Scholarship" Competition. She will be quizzed on all things scholarly, academic, and ed-ju-mah-cational. I even believe there's a portion of the competition that involves a hybrid math test/lab experiment. They give all the contestants their multiplication tables and see how long it takes each contestant to pass out from frustration. Not my Taylor though! She's as smart as a whip! Sharp as a tack! Cuter than a baby's bottom! But seriously, I can't wait to get back and root her on. There are even t-shirts.

But just to prove that I too am up to snuff on my Indiana trivia (in the likely even that they ask me to be King of Indiana and reign alongside Taylor), I'd like to share some of the little known facts about our great state:

1. While most people know Michael Jackson was born here and went on to become the king of pop, not many realize that the other Jackson siblings - most notably LaToya - spent most of their childhoods plotting a way to expose Janet's scantily-clad breast on national television. And while it may have taken them a long time to achieve that goal, I don't think we can overlook such an accomplishment.
2. Indiana is called the "Crossroads of America". As such, it has become very clear that no one drives anymore...
3. Peru, Indiana was once known as the "Circus Capital of America". To honor this tradition, many Hoosiers feel the need to behave like circus freaks.
4. We're the home to two recent NCAA March Madness almost-winners, Butler and IU! Three cheers for almost being the best!
5. Amy Poehler's current show, Parks and Recreation is set in the fictional town of Pawnee, Indiana. It's doubtless that many Hoosiers are trying to figure out where exactly this city is. The search committee's last trip had 13 men, 2 dogs, and a circus clown from Peru stuck in the woods just outside Marion County for days...
6. The state flower is the Peony, the state bird is the Cardinal, and the state tree is the Tulip Tree. Even despite the fact that tulips can't grow on trees and that at least makes one of those things mildly interesting for 5 seconds, no one in Indiana cares.
7. Oh, and I almost forgot. We have the Colts. Totally makes up for the rest of the state, right?

See? I know things.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Hoosier-daddy?" Yazge

200!!!

For Ingrid, who taught me how to be straight-up gansta.

OK. Let's be honest. I'm not gangsta. I'm not even a little bit gangster, with an "r". (There's a difference, trust me.) But I feel that if I were to be either of those two things, I would still owe a lot of my street cred to one Ingrid Michaelson, the baddest betch in all the land. 

Today is a fun day, because I officially hit 200 posts with this entry! Not only that, I'm still running of the high from last night's Ingrid Michaelson concert, which was - as one audience member yelled out - SPLENDID! Which prompted Ingrid to go into this old-timey voice and talk about splendid things... She's great with the witty banter. Anyway, at one point in the concert she talks about how a lot of her fans approach her and say the same thing: "OMG INGRID! You're songs are soooo cute! You're just sooo cute! Everything about you and your music is cute Cute CUTE!" She then said that these people clearly don't listen to the lyrics, because she's not cute, she's "dark and twisted." Which when you listen to her lyrics, it's a little true. So Ingrid sang us this fake song about her growing old by herself in the middle of nowhere with a dog and dying alone, and then rotting in the ground. All to the ukulele. That's gangsta.

The problem is I love the dark and twisty lyrics. I think they're genius. And when I listen to those songs loud enough for other people to hear, they think I'm listening to happy ukulele music. While that's partially true, I'm also listening to artistic genius (all artistic genius has to be a little dark and twisty). I think of it as prep work for when I'll be old and dying alone and rotting in the ground, outlived by my only companion - my incontinent dog. That's gangster.

To 200 posts! To Ingrid Michaelson! To gangsta rap and the thug life!


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "thug-nasty" Yazge

Dear World Cup Refs, Bite Me.

I know Landon, I'm confused too...

Dear FIFA Referees,

Bite me. You are officially the worst refs every to (dis)grace the game of futbol. It was enough work for the US team to come back from a 2-0 score at half time to tie it up, but then you insisted on robbing them of an actual win because you thought there was a little too much "rough play" in the box. Yes, I can see how our players being bear-hugged by the other team would seem unfair to the Slovenian team. After all, we did not offer to hug them back. But that's the problem with those unrequited loves: someone always seems to get hurt.

While I am perturbed to the utmost degree, I will take solace in the fact that England still can't manage to win a game either, leaving the US precariously positioned in second place in the group. Now if you could try your damnedest to not screw up the officiating for the US-Algeria game, I would greatly appreciate it. However, if you blindly call the England game in favor of Slovenia, I might be able to look the other way.


Spitefully Yours,

Matteo "Should have been 3-2" Yazge

Hot in Cleveland

So hot...

I never thought I'd watch a show on TV Land Network, but then again I never thought I'd get yelled at by a toothless midget. So many things change when you come to the big city! Anyway, Hot in Cleveland is the new Betty White show that just premiered this Wednesday (Or Thursday if you're like me and don't have cable.) It's all about three women from LA who are pushing their prime (Valerie Bertinelli, that chick from Just Shoot Me, and Daphne from Fraiser). The premise is that they were going to go to Paris for a vacation together, but the plane has to emergency land in Cleveland. So naturally they all decide that instead of going to Paris, they'll just hang out in good ol' Ohio.

Seriously?

I've been to Cleveland. Not to knock it, but once you've seen the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, you've pretty much maxed out what there is to do there. But I guess Betty White is enough reason to stay. A feisty little Eastern European lady is the reason I always make it to North Eastern Ohio (my grandma). Although unlike Betty White's character, my grandma doesn't smoke pot.... I don't think.

Give the show a watch. It's worth the 24 minutes. Though I'm convinced in the long run this will be a show that will appeal far more to my mom's demographic. It's middle-aged woman humor. You know, menopause, how more men think they're hot in the Midwest, hangovers being funnier when you're 50... That stuff. 

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Hotter in the Haute" Yazge

My Multi-ethnic Monday

These multi-ethnic children encapsulate the spirit of my Monday.

It's been too long since I posted, and there's lots of things I could discuss: Glee finale, True Blood premier, more oil spilling, the World Cup, the various restaurants I've taken by force over the past few weeks, how gross my feet look in flip-flops and how having to wear them on a daily basis gives me mixed emotions of comfort and shame.... but no. I'd like to focus on something a little more "It's a Small World."

After I watched the Italy-Paraguay game at work (where the Italians in the office supplied salami, provolone,  bread, Nutella, San Pellegrino Lemonata, and gelato) I decided that I should get a haircut. So I waddled my way over to my favorite immigrant barber shop (if you call a wonderfully sketchy basement a barber shop) at Astor Place. I've gone there for 3 years now and absolutely love it. But Monday was by far the best experience I've had there:

I was wearing my Italian soccer jersey, so instantly the woman cutting my hair commented, both to me and the guy cutting hair next to her. Then we all started speaking Italian about how Gli Azzurri (the Italian soccer team) are amazing, and hail to the victors, and we'll get another Cup, and let's go grab some cannoli, etc. etc. Then I find out that the woman cutting my hair is Greek Orthodox - wasn't a huge surprise given her accent - and we talk all about that, and her grandchildren's picky diets, and spanakopita, and damned those South Koreans for beating Greece 2-0. Although I was mildly confused when she kept speaking Spanish to other people. She caught on that I understood her when I couldn't stop laughing at her heckling of the guy at the cash register. It was like I had my very own ethnically confused Yaya cutting my hair. When I left I tipped her and said "Kali Nikta" (goodnight in Greek). She got really tickled and said "Oh! Look at you! Kali nikta!"

God, I love immigrants. I can only one day hope to be one...

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Multi-ethnic" Yazge

Marriage, Marriage, Marriage!

Everyone is all about the marriage lately...

I came home for Memorial Day, which I guess is traditionally a very weddingly time of year. But for some reason I haven't been able to escape them since I got back. I took my little sister to see Sex and the City 2, which was all about marriages and relationships and how people really suck at being in them. I was a big fan though. It was much funnier than the first SATC movie. My favorite part involved Kim Cattrall's character swearing at a bunch of Arab men in a market, whilst thrusting her hips and waiving condoms. I feel all gender oppression should be combatted in a similar fashion.

So on top of SATC, I had a wedding to go to yesterday. The connection to this weekend's theme is pretty obvious there: open bar. And when we got back from the reception, we watched It's Complicated - yet another marriage movie. It gives me hope though. If one day I'm a divorced old bag, at least I might have a restaurant and a rockin' house out in the LA suburbs. In the meantime, I'm off to my pitcher of sangria in the sun! Happy Memorial Day!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Marriage-marinated" Yazge

Yoga Pains

Oh yeah, I was doing poses exactly like this.

I finally went to Yoga to the People for the first time in almost a year. But the thing is I went two days ago, and I still have muscles that are hurting. But they're really random muscles - the back of my shoulder, only select lats, and all those odd little muscles you never knew you had. Also, my will-to-return-to-yoga muscle. That one hurts a lot.

And can we just discuss how much my sweat levels are not conducive to public yoga? It's like there was a hose on constant spray out of my head. I could never keep my arms in pose for too long, because I had to keep wiping all the sweat out of my eyes before I went blind. To make matters worse, my perspiration was pooling on my yoga mat, causing me to slide all over the place. So I took my shirt off (horrifying for everyone else there, I realize), and tried to use it to stabilize at least my hands. That worked for all of 5 minutes, until the shirt was fully saturated. It was a hot damned mess. But I loved every minute of it. Next time I just need to bring a towel.... or five. Watch out Whitney Houston, there's a new sweat-monster in town.


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Sweat-monster" Yazge

Target Ads

This is pure genius...


So I'm still on a Lost kick. This includes feeling I've had a life-changing experience - even though it didn't actually involve a smoke monster, time travel, the afterlife, or lots of sand. Anyway, I was reading Adweek today, and found this amazing Target commercial that ran during the finale. Talk about creative advertising. There were three versions in total. This was my favorite! Enjoy!


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Targeted" Yazge

Found.

Music seems the only way to describe how the finale made me feel.

Words cannot describe how breathtakingly beautiful the series finale of Lost was. There was so much meaning, and passion, and sincerity in the way everything came together. This finale will go down as one of the best television has ever seen.

I have issues with letting go, with saying goodbye, with my own mortality. So naturally, this episode hit a cord with me. There are a lot of people in my life that I'm so very blessed to have, and whom I get to see on a very limited basis. Some of these people I know I will have the joy of sharing the rest of my life with. Others, I thank God every time I get the chance to see them again, because I fear with every fiber of my being that each time I see them will be the last. There was something very beautiful, and reassuring from this final episode, that reminded me of something I guess I've always known: that there's never a final goodbye. There is a place where we will all be together, a place where we'll never have to say goodbye again. I feel really stupid that it took a TV show to make me remember this, but sometimes you have to take the little messages God sends you in whatever form they come.

Seldom do I get very emotional on this blog, but I felt this was necessary. When something moves you the way this story moved me, you feel the need to share it. So thank you Lost for giving me a story full of emotion and meaning, and thank you everyone in my life for doing the same.


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Found" Yazge

Lost! (as reenacted by someone's Italian extended family)

In celebration of the end of an era.


So I love Lost. I also love extended Italian families... So this movie just makes sense to me. I'll have a recap of my thoughts for y'all tomorrow! Enjoy the finale!



Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Lost" Yazge

Pure Blintz

Let's get blintzed!

The padre and I went out for breakfast this morning before he hit the road to go back home. Under no other circumstances would I be awake at 8am on a Saturday morning. Apparently no one else is up at 8am either, and the only place we could find open for breakfast was Veselka - quite possibly the best Ukranian diner the world has ever known. They even have a cookbook now. And that cookbook even has a quote from John Stewart on it. What more could you ask for? Nothing.

For those of you who don't know, I'm one of the least decisive people you will ever meet. Menus daunt me. So I turned to a good friend's advice this morning: "Always go with the blintzes. Trust me. Our people do them right." (Thank you Tammy Schaffer). And boy was she spot on. These blintzes were HUGE, and had the best sweet cheese filling I've ever blintzed. Add a little raspberry sauce and powdered sugar and you're good to go. It was the perfect way to cap off a really great couple days with il padre!


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Blintz-meister" Yazge


P.S. - anyone interested in trying to make these from scratch next weekend???

Promises, Promises = Amazing, Amazing.

I could die. DIE! DIE! DIE!

That's how amazing this show was. So my padre is in town for the weekend, and we decided we'd really like to go see a show. Fast forward about 24 hours, and we're watching Sean Hayes be the most ridiculously hilarious actor I've ever seen live. I almost peed my pants. Ok, so maybe I did pee my pants. Just a little trickle though... There was one part in particular where another actor dropped the lid to a liquor bottle he was using on set, and it started rolling away. Sean Hayes improved flawlessly and kept saying (in a very Jack McFarland kind of way) "Oh no. Nope. Over there. Stilllll rolling, hahahah. Over. Over. Yup. Ohhhhh-kay. Got it." I know this makes me sound like a blabbering idiot, but I was there. Just trust me: it was funny.

But perhaps the best performance of the show was by Katie Finneran, who played a crazy drunk. Who doesn't love those? Sean Hayes meets her in a bar after being stood-up for a date. She's all giggles and slurred words, and low raspy one-liners. She's even wearing a shawl made out of owl. And then at the end of their song together, Sean jumps up, wraps his legs around her waist (as she's holding him) and they proceed to have one of the sloppiest on-stage makeout sessions I've ever seen. It was beautiful. I think that moment was what got her the Tony nomination for this role. No, seriously. She's nominated for a Tony for this role. And if she doesn't win, I may die.

Oh, and I got to see Kristin Chenoweth live. That was awesome too. Couldn't end the post without at least saying her name once.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Promises" Yazge

When a Boy loves a TV.

My metaphorically blown -up TV.

I never watched that much live television when I had TV this past semester, so I didn't realize how valuable a thing my TV was until I didn't have it. Absence makes the mushy-gray-matter grow fonder, stronger and less reliant on trashy reality shows, but still fonder. In the new apartment there's a lack of cable, mainly because we're too cheap to pay for it. But now I can't watch all my shows when they normally air. This wouldn't be a problem, but I have several friend who like to share all the best lines from the shows I watch before I actually have the opportunity to watch them. Not to name names, but the most notorious for this is a small blonde who may or may not be competing in Miss Indiana next month... Let's see how ruining plot lines meshes with the rest of your platform? I'm sure the judges will be very interested in what I have to say!

I wound up going to a friend's last night to watch Glee, which ended up being really fun. But I can't come break down her door every time the Jersey Housewives are on, though that would be a very Jersey Housewives thing to do. I'm currently investigating other options, which include swiping into an NYU dorm, cranking up the volume in a Best Buy, and installing an antennae into my skull. I'm not sure about the last one, but I figure it's worth a shot.


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "And it's been 7 days since my last at-home cable experience" Yazge

A Jersey Kinda Day

Thank you to three lovely ladies for brightening my morning!


So my alarm didn't go off this morning. Well, it did, but at 6:45 - the time I was planning on going running. When I looked out the window, it was downpouring. So, I reset my alarm (or so I thought) and went to back to bed. I woke up again at 8:55. I needed to be at the office at 9. It was a chaotic morning, involving me running in and out of 4 different convenience stores until I found an umbrella, which ended up being the least effective umbrella ever. I was drenched by the time I made it to the office. Jumbo-brella my left foot! Add to the confusion of the morning, some random homeless dude took a picture of me as I was running to work. Seriously? Since when were the paparazzi using homeless disguises? With all the greasiness, the inability to show up for work on time, and the tabloid photos, this morning made me feel like I was on the Jersey Shore.

But, then I got to work and checked my Facebook. I had three wonderful messages from some very lovely ladies. I didn't feel any less a part of a Jersey Shore morning (they used ridiculous nicknames, had delusions of being president, and one of them still hadn't changed out of her pajamas by almost noon and was talking how hungry she was). But they did make me feel loved. So, thank you. And Lauren, eat something. Please.


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "The Predicament" Yazge

SUMMER! (and I'M BACK!... again)

Hey big ol' park in the middle of Manhattan!

I know, I know. I keep disappearing. You could blame it on finals. You could blame it on me having to move into a new apartment. You could even blame it on the current political climate in Thailand, not that it would make much sense to. But now that it's officially summer, I'm going to make a concerted effort to post something up here every day. I figure I'll start today with a little story about my weekend:

CENTRAL PARK
A story by The Ugly American

Once upon a time, it was summer and everyone was really happy about that. One of those really happy people was the Ugly American. Despite popular belief, he had friends, and they all went to Central Park together. The Ugly American wasn't much of one for physical exertion, so he passed out on the great lawn for over an hour. When he woke up, he played some paddleball, or at least that's what we're calling it because no one is really sure what the hell that thing was called. It just involved two big paddles and a ball. No one is even very sure of the rules. In fact, there probably aren't any, because this is America and you can just get used to that. Also, a mean old lady yelled at some kids playing soccer, and the Ugly American was pretty sure that her uterus dried up inside her body, preparing to call it quits before that woman thought it was a good idea to become a mother. Oh, and then the Ugly American went with his friends to 7Eleven and got a slurpee, and even though every one thought that was going to be a good idea, it really wasn't and it was actually kind of gross. THE END!

How'd you like my story? Pultizer material, no?


Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Parks Department" Yazge

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

The rain, it is like cats and dogs...

First off, after searching Google images using the words "wet cat" give you the most horrifyingly ugly pictures ever. Felines were never intended to be wet. They look like oversized rats, ready to scratch your eyeballs out. 

But just like wet cat, I too am not amused. Last night, before it started raining, I heard the thunder, and wasn't sure if it was just thunder, or a building exploding somewhere. I know that that's how the terrorists win, but after that bomb scare this weekend, I'm a little on edge. I actually called my friend to make sure she thought it was thunder. Then I turned on CNN just to be sure.

Also, I'm not a huge fan of walking 20 blocks to work in this mess. It's torrentially downpouring. Again, not amused. There is one benefit though to such horrible weather: Dunkin Donuts was empty this morning, meaning I didn't have to wait in line to get my coffee and flatbread sandwich. Oh, silver linings.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Wet Cat" Yazge

So I was walking alongggggg...

They're baaaaaaaaaaaaack!

With so many crazy things happening in the world - oil spills on the shores of Louisiana (that state can't catch a break), failed bombing attempts in Times Square (oh yeah, I was 5 blocks away while that SUV was sitting there, waiting to explode), and the Penguins losing another Stanley Cup Playoff game (such a shame) - there has to be something that we can count on....

JERSEY.

I was avoiding studying this afternoon, which is how I ended up watching the director's cut of the season finale from last summer's Real Housewives of New Jersey. There is no higher form of art than reality shows about Italian-American housewives from New Jersey getting drunk and flipping tables at restaurants. The just kept showing Teresa screaming and flipping that damned table. God, I love her. And then she shares through a testimonial that "Juicy" - her husband - found that really attractive and that if she wanted to make passionate love more often, that she should start flipping tables on a daily basis. She. Was. Brilliant. Of course in that whole confrontation scene, I would have been more like Caroline, just laughing uncontrollably at how ridiculous the whole thing really was.

But the whole point of this rambling on a theme is that the Jersey Housewives are coming back for round two. The new season starts tomorrow night at 10pm. You know where I'll be!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Jersey Jonesin'" Yazge

Oh! Oh! Ballarò!

Take away that large plate of food, and insert 'un cornetto'. Grazie!

My love for Ballarò never fails. I went this morning for caffè and un corentto - the Italian variation on the croissant. DELIZIOSO! Since I no longer get my daily fix of Italian pastries on the NYU Florence campus, I have to find something equally as buttery and delicious. Plus, the Italians just know how to do coffee way better than anyone I know. And I know a lot of people. I'm kind of a big deal.

One thing that I don't like is that my Italian is slipping. I used a bit of it with the waitress. Most of the people that work at Ballarò are honest to Caesar Italians. So I feel the need to embarrass myself in front of them with my feeble attempts at their language. It didn't help any that I was wearing my Fiorentina jersey. Such a poser. But the good news is that I may have gotten my hands on a copy of the language-lesson software that I will not name on this blog, mainly because I don't want them to know I have a questionably legal copy of their product. Let's just say it rhymes with Hosetta Bone, and may or may not be named after a famous tablet that first helped decipher Egyptian hieroglyphs. CHEERS!

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Cornetto" Yazge

It's a dairy kind of day!

This is the face I get when cheese is around...

How I managed to live in this city for three years and never enter the 3rd Ave. cheese store until today is a mystery that may never be solved. It also may be the most genius store I have ever laid eyes on. Here's a few shots of the shop:

  

Outside and In...

Everything is so ridiculously cheap. I don't even understand how they can sell it for that little. I got the biggest wedge of brie for $3. And not disgusting brie either. This was Presidente, which granted isn't gourmet, but it's a legit hunk of cheese. I also got goat cheese for $2? On what planet. I don't think it could even be that cheap if someone gave you the goat for free and then set you loose to make cheese. This could be bad for my bank account though. Lots of small purchases add up. As do saturated fats... 

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Formaggio" Yazge