Life. Lick it.

Loving every minute of it.

This is why Kirstie Alley is amazing, and Oprah is a huge loser. OK, so ignore the bazillions of dollars, the media empire, success and notoriety. Because you're still a tool (Oprah) if you have all those things and can't make me laugh (on purpose). There are so many similarities between these two women:

1. They yo-yo diet like they're putting on layers of fat for the winter, then starving in the summer.
2. They have very distinctive ways of talking... (EVERYONE'S GETTING A BRAND NEW CAAAAAAAAR!!!)
3. I really didn't care about either one of them. Until now.

I had to turn Kirstie's show on halfway through (I'm watching as I write), but already I'm loving every freaking minute of it. They all call her "mommy"? I'm just glad they didn't add a "dearest" to the end of it. And if this whole season is about her losing weight, we're in for some good sound bites. There's nothing more desperate than a D-List celebrity trying to drop 75 pounds.  OH OH! She just called a man she calls her "fat friend" and invited him over to eat. They're talking about weight loss... OVER FOOD. And cocaine just entered the conversation. Maybe that was where all the pounds went: the lines of blow. Whatever. I don't care. All I know is I love this show, and Kirstie Alley is a genius.

The last minutes of the premier was the weigh-in. Her initial weight at the beginning of the season: 230 pounds. She didn't want to hear it in pounds, so she had them convert it to stones (some British measure???). I'm pretty sure she just made that up to make herself feel better. It involved doing long division, and that didn't go so well. Apparently the only thing harder than staying skinny is doing math.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Lick It" Yazge