I lipidi e come sono grasso

This is how I feel...

So I realize that The Ugly American is on the verge of cardiac arrest, but - no offense to those actually in cardiac arrest - I may be soon also. I have seriously ballooned since coming home.

When I first got home, I thought things were going great. I got my gym membership, I stocked the fridge with veggies, fruit, and organic skim milk, there's Kashi overflowing from the pantry, and I still fit into all my clothes after putting them through their first drier cycle in months. But then things started to go downhill.

I discovered the stock piles of ice cream out in the garage freezer. Only 5 minutes after leaving the gym on Wednesday, I stopped and got double chocolate turtle custard.... effectively blowing my 5 mile run. This morning? I ate 7 cinnamon buns. It's bad news bears. As I was getting into the shower today I noticed that I have a visibly protruding pocket of fat on my lower abs, a "pancia" as they call it in Italian. 

Now I realize that this is no reason to go alerting the media, and Taylor is probably rolling her eyes at me as she reads this, using choice words like "manorexic" mingled with four letter words. But after being able to eat anything I wanted in Europe, then coming home and having such a stark, fast reaction to the difference in food/activity, it's really disturbing. To play things safe, I think we need to put a padlock on the ice cream drawer in the freezer.

Ciao Bella!

Matteo "Pavarotti-ponch" Yazge